better off listening to mozart
by Coffee Detective
Summary: how would you like to die?
1. better off listening to mozart

**better off listening to mozart**

Summary: - Inspired by Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Some things are different, though. Drabble-ish. An idea that could've been a full out chapter story with delicious angst. Got lazy.

You have ten seconds left to live.

Ten seconds.

I told myself that.

I didn't do anything.

.

.

.

.

.

_Even though I could._

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.

.

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I was a child out of two; the youngest. My parents weren't home all the time, and my popular, prettier sister had better things to do than hang out with a 'loser' like me. I always had free time on my hands, and it began when I was five.

The only things I could do alone to entertain myself were to think and draw. The loneliness was soon replaced by my thoughts and I grew up with a lot of things on my mind.

I always spent time outside whenever I could. I'd take a bicycle and see how far I could go, but never going farther than the train tracks outside of town. But, I never seemed to get any tanner; my skin always remained a soft olive; which wasn't a particularly bad thing, I guess.

But in my third year of elementary school, my ninth or so year of feeling alone, I met Kagamine Len.

Why does that name feel so bitter on my tongue now?

He was my first friend. Len was sunny and tan, bright and warm, just like the sun. He was funny and all those things that make up a wonderful person. He had his dark moments and I wanted to understand him; I hope I did just a good job as he had done to me.

But, the thing was, Len was a _prodigy_.

He was a child born genius. Amazing especially at the violin. He'd already graduated high school; but his parents (heartless they seemed in our opinion), wanted him to live a normal childhood.

Maybe it stifled him, I don't know. But, he continued on. He was an academic and musical genius; but no one ever really bullied him. Because he was that amazing. He was great at sports; he was almost as decent of a drawer as I was.

And I admired him for every single thing. There were times I was jealous, but in the end it never really mattered. It was part of who he was and I wanted to love every single thing about him.

We continued to be really, really good friends all the way to high school. He'd call me his 'favorite person' and in turn I'd call him, teasingly, the 'brother I'd never wanted'.

But, somewhere along ninth grade, he got into an accident.

Len lived and the little girl he saved was really thankful; but the car had so much impact… It destroyed his left hand; the one he uses to write with, draw, and play music on his violin.

I never saw him cry; but his eyes were always red rimmed. It took several months of rehab; but his hand would never work the way he would have wanted it to. I cried for him; visited him every day I could, snuck him his favorite snacks; anything to make him feel better.

But, you know, I think I just crossed the line, bringing those CDs…

XXXXXX

Hatsune Mikuo, Shion Kaito, and Megurine Luka.

They were quiet and composed people in my class. They never talked much, but everyone secretly admired them. They were all good looking (though, I held Len in better regard) and were rather smart, but not extreme prodigies. They all had talent in their own respective fields.

I often loathed Mikuo.

He was my rival in art and creativity. But, we were often paired up for activities in that class. "We complement each other." He told me one time.

He was siblings with Hatsune Miku. I don't talk to her often, but she's the most popular person in my grade as well as the prettiest. She had the voice of an angel and everyone loved her.

She did a few collaborations with Len. I heard them.

They stung at me.

But, anyways, one day, Mikuo came up to me; and this was after school, days before what was to happen.

"Rin! Wait up!"

That was my name. My other name, as I refer to it now.

I stopped at the gates and let him run up to me. "Yeah?"

He sucked in breath one moment and let it out the next second. "Er…I wanted to tell you- - I mean ask you- -erm- -." Mikuo's hand moved vigorously against the back of his head.

I purse my lips slightly. "…Yes?" Was this a love confession?

I honestly didn't know much about him then…

He sucked in another breath and sighed in exasperation. Mikuo straightened up. "Urgh…You know what, never mind. Another day." He walked away.

I resisted the urge to curse as it was nothing but a waste of time, to be put crudely.

Before I turned around, in the distance, I saw Megurine and Shion waiting for Hatsune as he walked towards them.

They were staring at me.

XXXXXX

I would have wished anything for Len's sake instead of mine.

Anything to stop _that_ face.

It was such a sad, broken face; no hope but only regret and restraint showed in it. And everyone knew how much Len deserved to walk and stand tall again.

You know, I brought him CDs filled with classical music to rock music. Len always had such a wonderful voice. But, he was always so humble about it.

We'd listen to together in his hospital room, sharing ear buds and leaning into each other.

And that's how every afternoon went.

But, not anymore.

XXXXXX

I was working on a paper for math, which was somewhat senseless. It was two in the morning and I could hear the snoring of Lily, my sister, in the other room.

And then, there was a creak beside my window. As in, inside.

My windows were always shut tight at night. I made sure of that. I turn abruptly in my chair, facing towards the window.

A black cat adorned my window sill, its tongue raking over the fur of its left paw.

And it had a definite star on his forehead.

XXXXXX

"My, my, aren't you incredibly sharp? But I guess leaving the windows closed is a nightly routine for you."

"Y-you're talking."

"I know. Just one of the many pros of being a cat like me. Oh- but wait, I'm not a cat. I'm not even an earthling."

"W-why are you talking?"

"Did you just not hear me? I'm not an earthling, so that should provide enough reason."

"O-oh?"

"You're so confused. In turn, I'm amused. Child, you wouldn't have had to meet me had the teal one finished his sentence. Or rather, request. He and the others can also grant wishes to an extent."

"M-mikuo?"

"I suppose that's his name. Made such a stupid wish, he did."

"Wish?"

"Why, yes! A wish. They aren't easy to come by, you know. And these wishes are special. You don't need to be specific; it already knows what you mean. Isn't that convenient?"

"Y-you're offering me a wish?"

"You catch on quickly. Of course."

"A-and there's a catch?"

"Always, you see. We could be such great friends."

"W-what is it?"

"Ah, don't you want to know the details of the wish?"

"I g-guess."

"Mm. A wish; is hope and delectable power in one. You could use for anything, **anyone**, or if you want, everything. Your eyes lit up. Perhaps you want something…?"

"No."

"Someone."

"N-no."

"Faltered, you did. To falter; hesitate is perhaps the most deadly of things you can do in life. But, I see."

"N-no! I don't…I don't mean it like that- -."

"Instead, you'd wish for them, don't you?"

"…"

"The teal one did that too. Ah, you two are born from the same seed, I suppose."

"What is the catch?"

"Impatient? Oh well. If you receive this wish in good terms, then you do something for me in turn."

"W-what is it?"

XXXXXX

You know, I'd do anything for Len.

Even if it means dying.

He means that much to me.

XXXXXX

The next morning, when I came back to school, _they_ were staring at me. Megurine, Shion, and especially Hatsune.

They were so intense that the teacher and several others had even gone up to them and asked what was on their minds.

They _know_.

It makes me wonder, turning every time to look at them, I wonder what they wished for. Shion and Megurine. Could they have wished for talents? Maybe for themselves?

My eyes met Hatsune's.

"_Ah, you two are born from the same seed, I suppose."_

What could he have wished for? No- -I wonder who he wished for. But, I guess we aren't all that different.

XXXXXX

It was several days after that day. Neither of them has approached me nor have they lessened their stares.

But, later on today, Megurine had tossed me a note in our second period. No one noticed. I was so surprised that I almost fell out of my seat.

It was all crinkled when I opened it.

_You have a choice. I suggest not acting._

_If you do, you could die. You know that._

_If you decide to wish, just make sure the thing you're wishing for outweighs what you're about to take on._

XXXXXX

I used to believe in monsters.

And I probably still do. I never had anyone to console when I was younger. I was still frightened by the dark; just a little.

But, even in the back of my mind, I knew, just like everyone else, that they weren't real. That they really couldn't kill me. That in the end, you control the nightmare yourself. But, that was thinking then that they didn't have a mind of their own; they couldn't feel anything.

This is different.

They exist. Past remnants of sorrow and pain; born from the rage and agony of others. They used to feel and they have a mind. They know how to fight and they can feel every cut you give them. And they're powerful; one swipe and you're gone forever. They can kill thousands in a second and they can play tricks on you. Every single one varies.

It's scary- - no, frightening- - and it's no different than killing a human when you fight them. It feels so inhumane.

Fight them.

That was the catch. Having your soul ripped out and placed elsewhere. Allowing yourself the bestowing of great power and responsibility- -a lose-lose situation either way. Either you kill or you let yourself and others get killed.

But, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm inhumane now.

And I'm disgusting and filthy.

I don't care, though. I got what I wanted, and it hurt even more.

XXXXXX

"…"

"Len… What is it?"

"…just shut up, okay?"

"…What?"

One sided glaring with teary eyes. A hand grasped the CD player so tightly that the knuckles turned white.

"…Do you think you're funny?"

"…I'm sorry."

"Are you trying to torture me?" His voice raises and cracks and he tries to shift in bed.

"Len don't- -."

"Don't say my name!"

The CD player crashes to the ground and breaks. A shard is left on the bed and it strikes both of us.

"What the hell do you think you're trying to do, Rin? Bringing in stupid CDs, thinking I'll be comforted? Huh?!"

"…I…"

"This hand," He shook it wildly with his other, "will _never_ heal! The nurse told me, my parents said so, the doctors told me; everyone has! Miracles don't fucking exist!"

"They do exist! You just don't know that! Why are you giving up hope?"

"Because there isn't any! Are you even listening?"

"You're wrong. Wishes and powers… Hope does exist and you… You're a goddamn prodigy- -."

"Not anymore."

"That's what you think! Now, why don't you look at it another way? Huh?! Hope isn't insignificant! It's what gives power to people to move on, to begin, and end! It gives people life - -."

"I'd rather die."

A shocked silence occurs between us.

"Y-you know, I used to believe in monsters and I still do. But, you know, I was always so lonely when I was younger. But, I always wished that someone would be there- -just one damn person- - to just hold my hand. And I got you."

"I was happy."

"I learned to hope. Because isn't that what every girl has; in the back of their mind, looking at someone?"

"I still have hope. Please don't let it go away."

_Don't let me be wrong_. Those words hung in the air.

I ran away, because I was often such a coward.

XXXXXX

"Here we are again."

The black cat is at my window and I haven't seen Len for a whole week. I was too embarrassed to confront anything with him. I hope he doesn't hate me.

"You never told me your name."

"I go by many. But, it seems most refer to me as 'Prophet'."

"Will you tell me about the histories of other mages?"

"All in due time. But, I may tell you that they had great impact on Earth's history and people."

"So vague."

"Many things are."

Silence occurred between us for a brief moment. I spin in my chair lazily.

"Have you thought of any, child?"

"A wish?"

"Yes."

"Y-yeah."

"But, the thing is, is it okay for me to, erm, do it tomorrow?"

"Where will I meet you?"

"The hospital gardens. Late in the afternoon."

"I dislike hospitals; too many monsters. But, I suppose I shall."

"Hey."

"Mm?" It licked its paw lazily. The weight of what I was about to do hadn't hit me yet.

"Why me?"

The Prophet's eyes shone brightly and its tongue ducked back into its mouth before stretching and standing on all four feet. It jumped from the window sill and strutted towards me where I let it lay comfortably in my lap.

"You _reek_ of potential."

With that, it scampered away from me and jumped from the window sill to the wild.

I shuddered, but I think that was just the draft coming from my window.

XXXXXX

Maybe I was reckless and stupid.

But, you know, I got what I wanted.

And, I would've done it all over again.

XXXXXX

"The yellow one decided to wish." A black cat drawled sitting on the edge of a couch in a living room.

Three others were scattered about the room, absorbing the news.

A pink haired girl clenched her fists and shook uncontrollably. "How could she be stupid?! She had a choice- -she didn't need to wish for something so stupid- -."

"Wishing for someone else isn't stupid!"

She glared at a boy who sat adjacent to her. "Says the one who actually did it. But, I bet you regret it; wishing on a sister who never cared- -."

"Shut up!" He stood up flaring, knuckles paling. Another stood up and forced him down.

"Sit and calm down. You're getting pathetic. Her wish is none of our business. What matters is if she'll be ready to fight with us."

"Oh, she will. Don't worry." The Prophet slurred happily before walking into the room and settling on the coffee table. "She reeks of potential."

The girl growled. "I should have killed you the moment I met you."

"That would be worthless, considering my other bodies." The cat sighed and continued grooming.

XXXXXX

It was often I'd come home, after that day, and treat my wounds. I always got scratched up; thrown around. It wasn't unusual to pass out after fighting or faint.

I tried to fight on my own as much as possible because my teammates always had a tendency to stare. They didn't know what to think of me other than 'the girl who had a chance to live normally, but didn't'.

I felt almost hated and ashamed. But that was okay, really. Fighting was kind of fun.

Never mind. I shouldn't be lying to myself.

It was scary; it was always a life or death situation. Sometimes the situation was so gruesome that I'd throw up in the end. But, it was becoming a routine; hack up blood and continue fighting until you die.

XXXXXX

"Hey, Prophet."

"Mm?"

"When I become a mage, do I just get a set of powers or do we have to choose? Is it like getting a wand and shouting out incantations? Or it based on something?"

The cat smiled lazily before rolling in the bed of flowers and hopping onto a statue. "The last one you elicited. It's based on what you wished for and what stands out most about you."

"Oh."

It hopped onto the stone fountain, which ceased spouting water. The sun was dying out in the background and night was slowly melting into the orange sky. I was alone in the gardens, save for my companion.

"Are you ready?"

"I guess."

"It's painful to begin with."

"I'll get over it."

"Continue."

"I wish for- -."

XXXXXX

His right hand drifted through the window curtains.

Night was about to fall over the city. Soon, it would be a new day.

_She didn't come again…_

XXXXXX

You know, I was approached by Megurine before I made my wish.

It was during one of our free periods. I had gone up to the stairs to spend some time alone. She found me there.

"Why?"

"Why what, Megurine-san?"

"You have a choice. You don't need to do this. I don't care if it isn't for yourself or anything big, but you have a choice."

"You sound as if you didn't."

"I didn't. I didn't have a choice at that time. Either I'd die or live and fight against monsters. I was too young to understand the weight of my wish."

Some people didn't have a choice, after all. I wondered; had Len had potential to be a mage; and Prophet came to him in the accident; would Len have done the same as Megurine?

I know, very selfishly, I would have wanted him to. But, in the end, thinking over it again and again; I wouldn't have wished such a terrible fate on someone; anyone. Especially Len. And, I'm thankful that it was me, instead of him, who made this choice.

"Thank you, Megurine-san. I know that I'm taking on something too big for me. But, I'd rather this than see someone else suffer."

I stand up uncertainly and walk away.

XXXXXX

I decided to visit the hospital again, after making that wish. It was the next day. Maybe Len will be happier. I hoped so.

I walked the many flights of stairs, deciding to take the long way. I finally reached his room; the numbers scarred into my mind.

And then, I hear hushed talking on the inside.

I open the door just a tiny bit, curiosity claiming me.

"…thanks, Miku."

Soft, bubbly laughter. "Anything. When will you be discharged?"

"I don't know, but the doctors want to run tests to be sure. It's…like a mir- -magic."

I didn't stay long after that.

XXXXXX

First day on the job.

I was fighting alongside Kaito. He wanted to us to be on first name terms. But really, we called each other by mage name. It was insisted by Prophet to conceal identities in battle, should the monster ever get away.

The scythe in my hand rapidly shifted into a drill and I flew forward towards our enemy. Kaito rose behind me, his sabre in hand.

"MiNe! If you don't move now, you're going to _die_!" He shouted at me.

I know that.

_I know._

But, I don't need to listen. Logic doesn't really make sense to me anymore. I'm sure Prophet would have agreed, too.

Besides, I'm already inhumane.

I leap forward.

XXXXXX

Luka tends to my wounds; albeit forlornly.

"Had you wished for something other than to heal someone; you could have really disappeared. You're lucky to have such a technique."

"Disappeared?" I stated out loud, ignoring her statement about my healing.

She sighed in frustration. "Prophet hasn't told you? No- -wait, in his words, it would be 'You didn't bother to ask'."

Feeling her anger by the way she stabbed at my wounds with the cotton ball, I tried to cover up my impatience, "Yes, yes. I wasn't informed."

Luka looked at me warily. "You won't resign yourself to depression?"

I smile bitterly and the thoughts of the hospital, Len, and Miku are a cacophony in my mind. "We'll see."

"We all know that, eventually, a mage is killed in battle or is overcome by the dirtiness of their stone. Mages who are killed aren't sent 'anywhere'; just in a lonely place, similar to limbo."

"Forever?"

"We'd have to wait and see, wouldn't we?" Luka spat as she gathered long wraps of bandages and ointment. "But, it's only your soul, of course. Your body becomes nothing more than a shell with a beating heart in it until it dies from the lack of nutrition. That is, if you don't find a way."

"Did Prophet tell you this?"

"No; I'm a veteran, aren't I?" Luka tightened her hold on my chin as she placed a gauge there.

She's seen more death than I have. Suffered.

"What about the dirtying of a stone?"

Luka pursed her lips in a bittersweet way, her eyes almost teary. "When the stone can't take anymore; you become the monster yourself."

…_You become the monster yourself._

XXXXXX

Lying in bed, at night…

_I don't wanna die_.

XXXXXX

I'm already inhumane, what's more to come?

If I'm not careful with my stone, I become a monster?

If I get killed, I'm alone forever?

My body becomes nothing more than a broken shell?

I don't want to be alone anymore. The heat in my stomach goes stone cold. My guts twist and pull at my throat and I feel like throwing up. I wanna scream and cry, but I can't. It's like I can't even feel the pain anymore- -I just can't.

Even though, in the inside, I feel like I'm burning.

XXXXXX

If I go to school with too many bandages, then people will notice.

And suddenly, I understand the weight of being a mage. You can't live freely anymore. Life is suddenly nothing more than calculations. Predicting your monster's next move, when they'll come, and how they should die. Foreseeing your classmates' reactions and credibility. Counting the moments you have left before you die.

I can't even breathe.

Luka has to go through this every day. I'm just like her; and seeing that I have go through all this, makes me realize that she's been doing this way longer than I have.

I often find myself going to the nearest cosmetics store to cover up and look natural. I have to bear with the dull pain, because my regeneration skills work only when I'm in mage mode.

It hurts a lot. On the inside, that is.

But, I can bear with it; and maybe in time, it'll feel like nothing.

_I wish I could say that without crying._

XXXXXX

"Why?"

"Why what?" Prophet was curled on top of my desk, waking up from his afternoon nap.

"Why do we have our souls ripped out? Why is dying so painful?"

"Dying, in no means is painful physically. But, is mentally dissatisfying and emotionally agonizing." The extraterrestrial being purred and I suddenly wanted to slap it. "There's a reason why your souls our placed in stones." He pawed at my softly glowing stone; amber in color.

"So we could die in the most pathetic way possible? So we could suffer?!"

His eyes snap towards me warily and I suddenly can't breathe. Intense pain overwhelms me slicing deeply into my skin, blooming and bursting in my abdomen. I can't scream; my voice is too hoarse in the dead silence of my house. Bile fills my throat. My eyesight was beginning to blur to silver.

"Had you not have had your soul taken away and placed elsewhere, you would have died as easily as any other mortal. This is fourth of the pain you would have felt if you had not have had regeneration skills and reconstructed body!"

The pain stopped. I lay on the floor, sweaty and teary. I suck in breath shakily. I looked at Prophet with disdain. "Reconstructed?"

"When your soul was placed in the stone, your body was reconstructed and built more durable. That was why you experienced pain in the transformation."

I stay crumpled on the floor as he left through my window. And now, I guess, I really wasn't human.

XXXXXX

Wet grass. Dewey flowers and bright, warm sunshine.

I felt the need to skip school.

I heard the other day that Len would be back to school today. I still didn't want to face him, even though we shared different schedules. I was still embarrassed and the Miku thing…

I think they're dating now.

I don't know, but I can feel it when I see her in the hallways. See the extra bounce in her step and how much brighter she seems than usual.

It burns. And it stings and stabs me in the gut- -I wanna be _happy_, not some pathetic, envious harpy who messes everything up in the end. Nobody wants to be that person. I don't either.

I'm at the local park, where no one seems to visit at noon time, where everything is actually at its most beautiful. Butterflies and dragonflies overhead, a mixture of trees around me, tall grasses acting as a barrier, and nothing but the sky and flowers for a view. I take the time to breathe and swallow before looking at my stone.

Its glow has darkened; just a little; and soon enough I'll have to find a way to fix that.

Monsters cause every single bad thing in this world. They cause everything from earthquakes to suicide. They have their own little realms, and from what I realized; were part of mixed emotions and things from their past. They used to be a mage. For every good thing we do in life, Prophet told me, there will enough bad things to compensate that.

When a monster is defeated, it leaves a remnant behind; something akin to pumice stones. And mages use that to get rid of the darkness in their stones. Usually, the Remnant, as we refer to it (with a capital R), is enough to cleanse two mages; which is ideal for working in partnerships.

But, I don't think I can do it. Partnerships. I know I'm isolating myself, forcing myself into a tiny corner and becoming alone. And the chances of me dying are increased; but what's the point if your teammate will always look at you as an outsider?

I've only fought a few monsters; all of which were with partners; mainly Mikuo. We work well, I guess, but it doesn't change his pitying look at me. Even though our wishes were similar.

XXXXXX

When the sky turned orange, I started heading for home. It was probably around five. My sundress, which was once white, had a few grass stains here and there and was crumpled. My hair was tangled and I picked at it reluctantly; gently getting small weeds out from the strands. I felt a little sticky from being in the dew all day; and I probably smelt as if Nature emptied herself on me.

My sandals stomped noiselessly with me as I reached the front door, only to find it unlocked. From the inside, I heard a mixture of voices.

"…Lily?" I called, not caring if she was with her newest boy toy.

Oh, she was there.

And so were Mikuo and particularly, _Len_.

Mikuo waved happily at me.

XXXXXX

Lily laughed falsely. I guess when put with two extremely attractive guys, Lily tries to turn up her charm.

"Where have you been all day? You weren't at school." Mikuo questioned me as Lily pulled me to sit beside her at the table.

"Erm, I was skipping?"

"Where at? Maybe I could join you sometime!" Mikuo's voice was just so god-awful sugary that I wanted to gag. But, understandably, he was probably irritated since we're 'almost' partners. Anything could happen when we're not fighting together.

Simultaneously, Len and Lily shoot a glare at both of us.

"Ah, Mikuo-kun, I might need to borrow Rin for a moment, excuse us? The tea kettle is probably boiling over." She smiled politely at Len who looked disdainfully at Mikuo.

"Sure."

I let Lily drag me away towards the kitchen.

"You brat, where the hell have you been all day? It's two hours late afterschool, and they're still here for you!"

"I was at the park," My tone got snarkier, "Playing the Easter rabbit. You should know such things are a sacred routine for me."

Lily glared harshly at me before fetching the kettle and pouring it into three cups. I guess none for me.

"You know what, who needs you?" Lily spat. "You can go back to the park and I can just tell them how retarded you're acting right now."

I smile at her in concealed angry pride. "You can tell them that I'll meet them when it's Easter!" I stomp away to the back door and slammed it behind me.

Lily and I never get along.

I hopped onto my bike, forgetting about my shoes.

XXXXXX

The site of the train tracks was always so pretty and calming.

I don't recall why I haven't been here lately. Honestly, it could have saved me the trouble of wanting to bury myself in a hole in my bedroom.

It was already nightfall, the stars twinkling overhead. The moon was peeking out from behind soft indigo clouds. The world had become darker, and it was fitting.

I discarded my bicycle somewhere near brushes and sat by the train tracks. The ground was dirty and cold, sharp rocks littering it. The metal of the tracks were ice cold; a contrast from this morning. I didn't feel so alone in this silence; but the lack of words was eating at me.

I recap.

Len visited today; the opposite of before, me visiting him. Lily said he came there for me.

It's enough to know that he still cares. And it makes something at the bottom of my stomach flutter and churn.

But, every emotion of hope and happiness I have crash down. Am I still me? Does he notice the changes? Is he suspicious? I just don't want him to hate me. After those long moments of separation, will he still want to be my friend, at least, even after I ran away from him?

It's kinda of stupid of me to say. After everything I've been through; fighting monsters, almost getting killed; I'm afraid of _just_ not being accepted by him.

And he's a prodigy. He's sharper than regular people.

I draw my knees in and my sundress flutters at every slight breeze. "Hope…" I mutter bitterly as my nails dig into my calves.

Something attacks my head and muffles my scream.

"_Pant_…Hope…_pant_…does exist."

I feel like crying.

I turn around and look through narrowed eyes at Len. But, even then, I couldn't be harsh with him.

"I really…_gasp_... shouldn't be moving too much; but I'm sorry."

I turn away. _Stupid, stupid, stupid- -_

I speak anyways. "What for?" He sits down beside me and adjusts the heavy coat on me.

"For not believing in you when you said that miracles were real and that hope wasn't insignificant."

I look away even though his eyes are determined at looking at me.

"You didn't need to find me. How'd you find me anyways?"

"Bull crap, Rin. This was the first place you showed me when we became friends."

"I don't remember." Even though I do; ever single detail. But, he tells me about it.

"You took me out here; snuck me out of my house in the dead of the freaking night, in my _dinosaur_ pajamas, and placed me hostage here. And it was _snowing_."

"I'm getting a vague idea." I murmur teasingly, and it's suddenly like before. He's chuckling while I smile at our banter.

And it burns.

It wrenches at my heart and I start to bite my lip to block out the tears and thoughts. But, I cry anyways.

"Hey…hey. What's wrong?" His hands reach towards my face, but I shake my head.

Stupid Len. Stupid life. Stupid Prophet. Stupid mages and monsters and feelings. Stupid me.

I want to be friends with you again. Yet I don't. I want to tell you how I feel. Yet I don't. I want to tell you everything that's happened, just like old times- -yet, I can't. I can't allow myself. In the end, feelings like these are going to crush the both of us and others.

"Tell me what's wrong."

I hold back a terrible, heart wrenching cry and I sob pathetically. I sucked in a shuddering breath and yell like the _coward_- - the _idiot_ I am- - "I wanna be _friends_ with you again!" I sob again. The one thing I say and it ends up being the most anticlimactic thing _ever_.

Len just looks at me confusedly. It's okay if he doesn't understand. I'd rather that he didn't. It was a lucky thing he wasn't a prodigy on girls anyways.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Shh…" He hugs me awkwardly and comforts me the best he could. "We're always friends, right? It never ended to begin with."

"Stupid. Stupid." I mutter at him as he gently pulls at my leg and elicits from beside him - - one of my shoes. The ones I was wearing earlier today.

"I'm sorry, Rin. And thank you, for not losing hope in me." Len murmurs quietly to me as he starts lacing the straps- -a form of an apology- -around my ankles. His fingers glide gracefully over; and I repress the urge to shiver. When we were little; he'd tie my shoelaces for me since I didn't know how.

I felt like crying again at how sweet Len could be in turn.

I allowed myself the luxury, in those few minutes, to feel as if I was his only one- -his only girl and that it was reality.

XXXXXX

Len walked me back home last night.

I got it out from him that he was dating Miku.

XXXXXX

Lately, I've been fighting too much, too often. Even though I gained Remnants for cleaning, my body was beginning to wear down.

This was when I was I fighting by myself.

XXXXXX

"Are you a virgin?"

I spat my water out at Mikuo, who grimaced in response.

"What kind of question is that?" I blurt out in embarrassment and indignation.

It was gym, a class Mikuo and I shared as well. We had just finished warm ups and physical testing out under the sun, so we were taking a break now by the fountains. Exhaustion had claimed me and I rested with a towel over my head. Fighting every other night did _not_ go fondly with physical education. I shifted sorely, hissing when I overstretched a muscle that was still healing.

"Don't think I don't know that you've been fighting by yourself."

I glare at him in utter dislike. "So. What."

He gazed at me coolly. "And apparently, you've been fighting too much." Mikuo plunks himself beside me.

"You're paler than usual and it's an eyesore to see you move between and in classes."

"And this has to do with being a virgin because…?" Mikuo was just so confusing at times.

"It's the blood. It drives monsters wild and attracts them to a mage like crazy. And it's probably why you're so sore all the time."

I flush. "I'm not losing my virginity until I'm fifty. Aren't there other ways to prevent them from smelling me or something?"

Mikuo laughs and it's dark and velvety. "Luka and Kaito most certainly are not virgins- -neither am I- -so what does that say to you, Miss Prudence?"

"But…"

"It might save your life~~"

"Why do you act as if it's a good thing?" I squirm in shame.

"Depends on who you fuck." He pushes his face right into mine with a dark smirk.

I reddened once more.

XXXXXX

You know, by now you should think you have the right to now our set of magic.

And you do.

Luka, I don't know what type of situation she was stuck in, but her powers gave her hypersensitivity and greater senses than others. When I fought with her, her powers kind of reminded me of Athena in battle. She could always predict what they were about to do next; and where and when they would exactly be, guns aimed. A cold and strong fighter with no nonsense.

Kaito never really said anything about his wish, and I suppose everyone's wish has nothing to do with me. And it isn't my place to say so. But, he had this overpowering smell of the sea - - salty and fresh. I heard from some girls talking about him that he used to live near the ocean. And maybe it has something to do with his power; I don't know. But that's what stands out most to me; besides the fact that he's constantly getting stronger in battle; improving.

Mikuo.

When I spent a night at his house, for nothing particularly special (it was just after a mission, and I was too tired to go back my own home), he told what his wish was. Even though he didn't live with Miku, he still cared about her. For some reason unknown, he was always excluded by his family.

Miku had always been a wonderful singer; from what he told me. However, at one point, she had contracted a tumor in her throat. Their family was keeping hush about it, since it'd be too troublesome to let anyone know. Mikuo heard about it anyways.

Prophet visited him.

And that was that. Miku never really talked to him, but I guess it was enough for him to see her alive and happy. He told me, "It's almost always that when you wish on someone and they don't know it, you're going to end up bittersweet."

Anyways. Mikuo had a Set, what we called our powers, dealing with regeneration and art. He'd paint some weapon, and it'd come alive for him.

You know, even though we were similar in many ways, our Sets only had one thing in common; regeneration. I don't really have much of a power; something pops into my head and I use it for a time span of ten minutes. Prophet thinks it something of value; I don't.

He said it was the way I wished.

_I wish for Len to be able to be a prodigy again._

Something like that.

XXXXXX

_Staff_.

I twirled it in my arms as it took form. Resolute protector. That was what my name, the one at this moment, meant.

I needed to stop it soon. 'It', as in the monster in front of me. Its body loomed over me; its massive hands swiping at me. In its realm; every monster had one; lights danced crazily against the floor and the sky seem to always shift.

Nine minutes and I swallow. I've already switched weapons five times. It's been fifty minutes, and this monster still needs to be put down.

The staff breaks apart into two, a chain in between connecting them. It becomes lethal, on both ends having a blade.

I swing it and fly forwards, locking down the monster with the chain. The staff becomes a spear and I raise it high; the finishing kill.

…_You become the monster yourself._

It used to be a mage. Just like me. It probably didn't think or knew that it was going to become like this. I can still see the pain and hate inside its eyes; mixing with confusion.

But, if I were to become something like this; I would have wanted someone to put me out of my misery.

I slam the spear down and I'm thrown back into a wall, fainting.

XXXXXX

_I shudder._

_I gently slide the cold clothes back on and Mikuo watches._

_I feel like crying and slapping myself._

XXXXXX

When I wake up, I'm alone and it's raining in the alleyway.

I look into a puddle as I get up. There's a wide gash on my forehead and a couple of scratches on my arms. My back hurts.

I stumble blindly home; still in mage regalia; letting my powers heal me. I almost forget to take the Remnant with me.

No one sees.

XXXXXX

The next day I catch a cold.

And I have to stay home.

I honestly don't care anymore about school. Though, Mikuo tutors me sometimes after school. Len's too busy with Miku.

I'm happy for them. They're a happy couple; going out on dates all the time, holding hands and giving each other light pecks in between classes, and sitting with each other during lunch. Mikuo typically pulls me away to eat lunch with him, Kaito, and Luka. It used to garner a lot of stares, considering that I'm such an average person. But, it died down after a while. Len and I still talk, but I distance myself from him in order to not ruin his relationship.

And now, my life has suddenly become a routine.

Wake up and go to school. On your way home, kill a couple of monsters. Clean up wounds and bathe. Eat. Homework. Sleep and hope it isn't reality. I'm always tired now, and couple of times I had to sit out during gym because I _fainted_ during _warm ups. _Being someone with powers isn't being amazing.

It's _downright_ hell.

Luka was right; I had a choice and I chose to do it. I'm scared and tired. I feel like a wild animal who's about to die in a world nobody cares about. And the only thing that was worth it is starting to lose its weight. I'm only sixteen. Too young. Not mature. And there have been others before me who've started younger. I have yet to understand anything at all. We're forced to grow up. See things that we weren't supposed to see to begin with.

Nightmares every other night, throwing up after a good fight, and a good gash somewhere on the body every day. How many times have I woken up thinking I was in the afterworld, alone?

But, I don't want to regret. I don't want to forget why I made this choice in the first place. Who I did it for and why them. It's burnt into my mind. The one person I care most about, and that's who it was for. I think every so often to myself, to make- -to will- -myself to remember and think back on what made it worth it. And it hurts. And it burns and sears at my skin. And all I can do about it is cry.

XXXXXX

"When is this monster, a Witch precisely, going to land?" A pink haired girl asked, lifting her head.

"Wait- -Prophet, you didn't say anything about this being a Witch!" A blue one stood up, fiercely looking at the black cat.

"As it is, you never asked." The cat purred, and walked to wear the map was. It was a small scale of their city.

"We can't handle a Witch, dammit! Not even with Rin!" Kaito snapped. His finger jabbed at recordings of worldwide disasters on the television screen. The damage left in other areas by the Witch.

"You'd be surprised. She's already fighting and surviving by herself."

Luka looked towards the silent Mikuo. "…I thought you were fighting with her…?"

He shook his head. "She's a loner. Doesn't like the stares we give her in battle. The Witch is landing within a week. It's so powerful that it doesn't need a realm. It'll probably be written off as a massive earthquake, with aftershocks strong enough to being tsunamis in."

"Yet, she probably has the potential to fight it herself. You guys can help of course. If you're still not sure, then we can invite the Others." Prophet sighed and plopped himself onto the middle of the map, irking Kaito.

Luka wrinkled her nose. "They're so full of themselves; the Others, I mean. They won't like having to be the lackeys of the newbie mage. Miki especially."

"But that's mad to invite them. They're just as coordinated fighters as we are, but if one of them gets killed or doesn't have their stone cleaned up in time, you know what that means." Mikuo interjected.

"Rin can sacrifice, I suppose. Just dive in right when the monster's almost dead." Prophet yawned.

"That's a coward's way out." Luka displayed her gun at the cat.

"And if her stone isn't cleaned in time, she'll become a monster. And being how she is, she'll be just as powerful a monster as she was a mage."

"But, think about it like this, before her stone's completely dirty, kill her. It works out in the end- -you're not completely harmed, the Witch is dead, and your city is saved."

XXXXXX

_Ten_

_Nine_

_Eight_

_Seven_

_Six_

_Five_

_Four_

_Three_

_Two_

_One_

XXXXXX

"Urgh. I'm so sick." I drawl with a stuffy nose as Len throws a tissue box at me which I catch skillfully. My reflexes had sharpened from battling. Miku stands prettily in a corner, keeping her distance- -I don't know if it's because she just doesn't like me or doesn't want to get sick. Either way.

"You actually caught that."

"Yes, yes I did. Do not underestimate- -ah…AH…achoo!" I sneeze and turn, trying not to spread germs. The tissue box rolls away and I struggle to get it. How can a box roll anyways?

Len laughs and Miku elicits a small giggle. Miku has always been this dainty thing, glowing, pretty, and everything womanly. I, on the other hand, differ greatly.

"How'd you get the cold?" Len asked. It was afternoon, a couple of days after I got the sickness. Len and Miku were visiting me afterschool.

"I fell asleep in the park and it rained on me." I shrug nonchalantly, but he glances somewhat sharply at me. Stupid prodigy.

"Wouldn't you have woken up on the first drip?" He avoids looking at my forehead. He wants to believe me; wants me to prove every suspicion he has wrong. I don't know if I can.

"I had to walk home because I didn't have a cellphone or money. So I couldn't go back by bus and I couldn't call Mi- -." I stopped there. Sometimes, Mikuo would take me around if I was too lazy by bike.

Len didn't know that and he didn't have to either. He already dislikes him enough. Especially due to the fact that he's Miku's brother, I think. Len's eyes narrow.

"Call who, Rin?"

I swallow and take a go. I don't anyone else besides Miku and Mikuo that have a 'mi' in their name, so I try for an accent. I'm sick anyways. "'Meh sister, Len." Even if I had called Lily, she would've left me in the rain.

He backs off. I exhale quietly.

"Miku and I got you something; it's downstairs, so I'll be back." Len changes the subject and I nod dully.

Once we can't hear his footsteps anymore, Miku approaches me. "You and Mikuo talk."

I don't feel like lying. "Yeah."

"How…How is he?"

I smile gently at her. She does care. "He's fine. Maybe you should talk to him sometime. I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you talked to him."

Miku returns my grin. "I hope he won't mind. You know, he'd always been an artist. You remind me so much of him." She glances at the artwork around the room.

Mikuo and I are similar. Not in means of talent or anything, but I guess personality wise. "I…I get that lot." My smile turns a little ginger.

"Says who?"

"A lot of people. Say…if you don't mind me asking…why doesn't Mikuo live with you?"

She flattens visibly and the last thing I need is a pissed off Len. "Y-you don't have to answer, I'm just curious!"

"We came from the same womb and all…But, Mikuo has always been different from the rest of us… Our parents thought we would be better off with him elsewhere."

And she didn't do anything? And she dares to ask how he's doing _now_? It's just like Prophet said; to falter is to put yourself in a deadly situation. Or in an uncomfortable one, anyways.

It's silent for a little while. "…You like Len don't you?"

"I've always liked Len." I play dumb.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I have." And always will.

Sadly.

"You were friends with him longer than I have been with him. Longer than I have known him. You had the right to go after him first, though."

I swing my legs out of bed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I really like Len. But it comes down only to a matter of things. I just don't want to lose him. And I know I sound terrible, but I want to be with him."

"In the end, Len just happened to like you better than me. Is that what you're trying to say?"

"Do you understand?"

I felt like crying. The words felt utterly terrible in my mouth. But, I said them anyways. Let them flow out of my mouth just so Miku would know she had the upper hand. What she did wasn't mean, it stung though; but I understood. I understood that she cared so desperately about someone to want to put up barriers and see how far their territory reached. And I'm no better. I would've probably done the same.

"It doesn't matter anyways. Mikuo's really nice. Your brother knows how to please a girl." I spat, albeit gently, wondering if she understood what I meant at the end of my words.

She got it. Her eyes became larger and her mouth widened slightly. It was kind of funny and cute at the same time. "You…"

Len walks through the door, with a box and notices our expressions. "Erm…Nothing bad happened right?"

XXXXXX

I fell asleep in Miku's present. I don't want to talk about _him_ anymore. It's this pretty, frilly dress, white with soft tones of pastel colors in it. Miku chose it and he bought it, they said. I guess this was Miku's way of saying 'truce'. Before they left, I tried it on for them.

Miku said it was cute on me.

I don't even want to think about what he said about it.

XXXXXX

I wake up in a cold sweat. Nothing but nightmares. Ignore that, and allow my head to swivel towards my drawer.

My stone is glowing.

A monster is nearby. Whenever a monster is close or in our region, our stone immediately wakes us up or alerts us. And it seems this one is important. My stone is so bright that it illuminates the whole room. And I can't allow people to get hurt by it.

My body moves about in routine. It's seven o' clock at night. I stumble almost blindly in the room to reach my bathroom. I feel dizzy and sick, probably from the cold I have. My face is pale and sweat can be seen at the top. I bind my hair tightly and shed the dress before adorning something more convenient.

Downstairs I hear the slamming of the door. Lily's home with a bad mood. I'd probably have to sneak out then. I wash my face, trying to refresh myself and block out all noises. Once I throw on my jacket and exit the bathroom, I find my bedroom is already occupied.

Lily's in here. Staring right at my stone.

"I thought we had agreement that we wouldn't touch each other's stuff or go into each other's rooms." I say in an even voice when she turns around.

She sneers. "Really? But, that only applies to you, loser." Lily looks back at the stone. "That's a really pretty stone, you know."

"I know. I'll be going out. I need the stone though. It's a present. For a friend." I walk past her to achieve it. She snatches it before I can reach it.

"And it's not even wrapped. Suspicious, maybe?" She looks at it closely.

I sigh in frustration. If she randomly drops it, I'll be done for. "Give me the stone."

Lily ignores me. "You know, I think I'll just keep this. Don't worry, Rin, I'll be real gentle with it too." Before I could run after her, she runs off and slams the door behind her. "I'll be gone for the rest of the night, partying!"

You know what, fuck this. That stone doesn't really help me fight.

I can do this. When I'm back, I coming for her going to be sorry ass next.

XXXXXX

I'm bloody.

I'm tired.

But, I don't want to die.

Every muscle is screaming for me to make my next move. How long has it been already? Four hours since I've been fighting this…this…thing? The monster just laughs at me. I'm scared. What if I can't defeat it? It doesn't even need a realm. It's already torn up five sky scrapers.

I don't even know how dirty my stone is.

_Think Rin, think!_

I think of every pathetic superpower there is the world, every anime that involves action, anything to do with fighting and overcoming something else. My head begins to burns, trying to make sure I think all at the same time.

In my hand, now, is a scythe. It's different than the one before. It's double edged, wicked and large. But, I can't even feel its weight. It's like it's made of feathers. In the light of the blade I can see everything to do with me. Memories, people, my thoughts…

_I'm gonna die anyways._

I leapt forward towards the monster. My scythe was raised far behind me and it takes every nerve I have not to shout in fear. And then I see it, my chance. I think, _maybe I will live._

My body freezes, but the scythe swipes at the monster, but not as deep as it should have been. I can't move; I'm paralyzed all of a sudden. The monster becomes weaker and falls down with me. I could have killed it, but for some reason I couldn't.

The shrunken monster recovers somewhat and pounces me and it takes every ounce of strength I have to move my scythe to protect myself.

It opens its mouth- -

All the dead souls in there screaming and wailing. So many have died by this monster's hand. I could have killed it. I could have stopped it…!

My body is struggling. It forces itself against me; my scythe is my last barrier. Kaito is suddenly there. Where the hell have you been?! My mind is struggling to keep my body awake and moving, but all I can do is blink and breathe.

"Rin! Rin!"

The monster is still there.

_Why can't you see it?_

_It's right there!_

_But, Kaito keeps calling out my name and I start screaming. _

_It's going to eat me- -I'm going to die! I don't want to die! Not now! Please! Kaito! Luka! Mikuo! Anyone! Please, please, please, please- -_

_You have ten seconds to live, Rin._

_You're going to die in the next ten seconds. Do something. Anything._

Tears blind my eyes and my body stops altogether.

XXXXXX

_He just stares._

_I walked out of the closet prematurely because I had trouble hooking the back together. I could've stayed in the closet, but Miku disliked the idea of tiny spaces._

_And it makes me blush. Miku's fixing the front of the dress so she can't even see his face._

_His eyes, sliding up and down my body, taking in my whole image. It's as if he finally recognizes me as someone other than his friend. A 'could be'._

_He's so focused on me that he can't say anything. And he darts his eyes away when Miku turns around._

_But, it's enough for me._

XXXXXX

"…I didn't know." Len whispers as he stares forlornly at the person in the coma. They're in Rin's room, gathering; Prophet is nowhere. Miku sits sobbing in a corner, holding tightly to Mikuo.

"Not a lot people are supposed to. Originally, it was part of the plan for Rin to die." Luka murmurs, gently sliding a finger from Rin's temple to her jaw.

Len snaps his head at her. "Die? What do you mean, 'die'?!"

Luka looks remorsefully at the blonde boy. "I didn't agree with the plan either. But, Rin ended up being a powerful mage. If mages aren't killed, then their stone gets dirty if they don't take care of it. Then, they become a monster. Had Rin become a monster, she could have brought an end to Earth. So the plan was to kill her in battle before her stone dirtied."

"That's not fair." Miku sobbed in the background.

"It isn't. But, Rin didn't really care in the end." By the window, Kaito sat; aged. "She was probably the only one who could kill it."

"But she didn't; so why?" Len looked helplessly at her.

"Because someone got a hold of her stone. When a mage's stone wanders too far, they automatically become paralyzed. Rin could've lived after fighting it... Mikuo had to take the finishing blow since the Witch was weakened enough for any other average mage to go after it."

His hands tightened around the bed sheets. "Where is her stone now?"

"We got it back. I think it was her sister that took it. Rin didn't know about the stone distance, because we never thought it would apply to her…" Luka's voice trembled.

Len's fist slammed against the table beside the bed.

"Why…why do people become mages, huh? Because then, they wouldn't have to fight anything because there were no monsters to begin with!" His shoulders shook as his head hung down, bangs blocking his expression.

"It deals with potential- -." The pinkette started softly, but Mikuo interrupted her.

"A wish."

"What?"

"It's composed of hopes and power. It's offered to us in exchange to fight." He croaked hoarsely, his teeth biting down on his lip.

"That's stupid- -why would anyone- -."

"It's not stupid!" Mikuo cut in sharply, body tense and panting. "Haven't you ever had feelings; compassion, asshole? Not everyone wishes for their goddamn self!"

"Some people don't even have a choice," Luka looked away, "Some people fix themselves for the sake of others," Kaito looked sharply over, "And some…wish for the sake of others." Mikuo sucked in a shuddering breath and looked towards the window, eyes becoming watery.

It was deathly silent. Miku cried harder and tightened her hold on Mikuo.

Len laughed.

"…Ha. HA. Ha, ha, ha. …Wha-why… Why? Why is…Why is this so stupid? Huh? Why are we so stupid?!" His fist banged against the table again and his shoulders shook more. "Rin. _Rin_. You fucking bitch." He looked at her body, it was as if she were- -

"_WHY_? Why did you do this?! HUH?!" His hands grasped her shoulders and shook her. "Why are you such an idiot?! Huh! This whole fucking time - - you think this makes _me_ happy?!" He started crying. "_We_ were better off listening to Mozart anyways! Idiot!"

He cries, and he feels the burn.

XXXXXX

_Am I really anywhere anymore?_

_But…_

_I'm somewhere._

XXXXXX

A/N:

Early birthday present for myself. Yippee. Let know through **REVIEWS** if you want another chapter. Because honestly, Luka did say that 'we'd have to wait and see' about this Limbo like place, right? Erm, by the way, Rin's ability stemmed from her creativity; and everyone knows nothing is impossible so long as you think. I feel as if Len was kind of a dweeb… Maybe I shoulda made him a playah. Or something. This story seems a little rushed…Oh well.

I really needed to put something out there. I have been inactive for soooo long. I am so sorry to the following : **MochiJunFan** and **Clavemien**. I love you guys~~. I honestly need to get my groove back on for PH. I'll probably post the sequel on the anniversary of **Darkness**. Because I friggin swear…I am so fracking lazy.

But, alas, I already have two series now for Vocaloid that need to be published. One is dark and mysterious and the other is crack and has drama. Both are M-rated~~. If anyone has ever watched the mentioned anime, you should be able to understand the story line. If not, WATCH THE ANIME. It will leave you crying; I didn't cry- -or else my parents would have looked at me weirdly. But, of course, you can always ask questions~~. The anime is amazing.

Again, if you want another chapter; please review~~. My goal is to at least reach ten reviews of this. Maybe. My works aren't very popular to be truthful. But, ten would be nice. Also, it'll probably be a while before I post it up… **SO DON"T COUNT ON ANYTHING: BUT I WILL TRY**. Less than three ya suckas!

**PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO POST UP THOSE OTHER TWO STORIES? 0u0**

Ahem. Anyways, bye!


	2. somewhere that there is sleeping beauty

**somewhere that there is sleeping beauty**

Summary: sleeping beauty is not asleep. she is somewhere.

I'm somewhere.

Not really anywhere.

Who am I?

.

.

.

.

.

.

_Maybe I just don't want to remember_.

.

.

.

.

.

It's not cold.

It's not hot. Or warm or cool; it feels like nothing. It's not black, but white. There's no one around me. I don't see anything. I don't know if what is beneath my feet is air pressure or the ground. I don't know if the ceiling actually goes on for who knows how long and I don't know how far away the walls are.

But, I continue walk and walk. I don't ever get tired. I sleep when I lie down; instantly and I wake up when I have to.

I don't know how many seconds, minutes, or days it's been.

I don't know anything at all except a burning sensation in my gut and what sunshine used to be.

XXXXXX

Len visits Luka's home. It's been a week since he was last in that room, crying.

Miku follows him, holding his hand.

They knock on the door, their hands tightening their grasp every other second. Luka opens the door, her apparel black for the meantime. Her attachment to her regular host had grown, and it would be a while.

"You're here." The pinkette says simply. _Again._

Len gives a sheepish grin while Miku hangs her head, staring at nothing but concrete. He nudges her and her head snaps up, giving meager eye contact with the other girl. Her stares show nothing.

The couple walks in when Luka allows space for them to pass. Her home is a bare place, short of pictures and personal things. It's a penthouse, and the view is pretty; there is one bed down here and another upstairs, to which she leads them.

"Do you remember which room it is?" She asks before leaving. Len nods for the both of them; Miku had suddenly felt like a ghost. "Alright. I'll be downstairs making tea. Call me if you need something." Luka disappears down the winding stairs.

Through an array of hallways, he locates the room. He gently pushes it open as if were wake someone up abruptly. Though, that was pointless. Why be so quiet when the person would probably never wake up?

"…Miku?" She tilts her head up, eyes slightly swollen. "Do you want to stay together or would you rather spend time alone?" It's a hinted plead; he wants to be alone. She takes it and waits outside the bedroom.

Rin rests under the covers. Lifeless, colorless; the definition of death. But Len sees the faint heartbeat at her throat. She was placed under Luka's care. There was an IV attached to her arm; a heart monitor near the window. Lily was busy getting drunk, probably. She never cared much for Rin, but the idea of a relative in a situation like this set her off. Particularly when she was the indirect cause.

His eye bags are visible in Saturday's morning light and his slender fingers gently toy with a dull strand of hair. Over the years of knowing her, she let her hair grow only a few inches down below the shoulders. It was nice, in a way.

Her lips were cracked, skin ashy, and face gaunt. It's only been a week since it's happened, but she looks as if it's been decades already. Len pulls his hand away and grasps his left. He wants to tear it off, sever the thing that caused everything. But he can't. Because he's always a coward. So, he digs his nails into the skin of it instead and bites his lip to block out the oncoming thoughts.

He tries not to trail blood or tears on her face when he traces a finger over her temple and down to the curve of her lip.

XXXXXX

After dropping Miku off at her home, he returns home and grabs his bicycle. He wants to view the city and ride out for a long time.

Passing through traffic and, Len looks at the city. It's still rebuilding after the past events. The event was written off as earthquake with scales up to 9.7. Tsunamis and aftershocks had happened afterwards, with the abrupt chains of storms.

He grits his teeth and bites his tongue accidentally. It bleeds and it's somewhat painful, but he doesn't feel it. It wasn't fair.

Why earthquakes and storms take the credit for all the damage done and others take the credit for putting people in evacuation centers, Rin's coma goes down in history as something insignificant?

But, it's not anyone's fault. It's not his fault that he, or anyone _normal_, couldn't see the monster. The fucking Witch. He couldn't help it. Nobody could. But knowing about it didn't do any good.

XXXXXX

It didn't sound right anymore. Playing the violin.

Len gently placed the violin on the table, sighing. He looked at his left and flexed his fingers. They were long and bony, strong and thin with calluses. It was slightly bulkier than his right, from all the muscles gained with working with it. He flexed it again and cringed at sudden dull pain.

Half-moon marks were pressed into the skin, red and raw; untreated.

"…dammit…"

He placed himself in a seat beside the table, looking at his hand. Blood had crusted and scabbed in the area; if he wasn't careful it could get infected. The violin bow is still in his hand and he looks at it harshly. He's supposed to be practicing for an upcoming recital, in a month, but he can't concentrate.

Len raises the bow overhead. It shakes once, twice before trying to slam it down on his left hand. "DAMMIT!"

It doesn't hit his hand. It cracks against the table instead and he cringes. He can't do it; he can't hurt himself. He's too much of a coward and he starts crying like the pathetic person he is. He throws the broken bow on the ground and grips the table, crying angrily. Rin wouldn't have wanted this. For him to cry. For him to hurt himself. To break everything she wished and fought so hard for.

He can't do that.

And that's what hurts the most.

XXXXXX

"You called me out here, so talk, Mikuo."

It's in the private parts of the park, and no one can see them. Kaito stands near a large oak tree, leaning against it. On the other side, Mikuo faces towards the trunk, his forehead pressed against the bark. Prophet lies on a branch hidden from sight, but sensed by the veteran mages.

"I… never found the Remnant."

XXXXXX

School wouldn't start again until next week due to the recent events. Some people lost their homes and the school was currently being used as a haven.

Miku has been out of it. She's been feeling sick. She tells Len not to visit, because she doesn't want for him to get sick either. In his heart, he has a feeling that she's lying.

But, he brushes it off and continues in his home alone.

He tries playing the piano; although he presses every key he should in order and in time, it sounds nothing more than a jumbled mess. He tried reading, but it's as if it's in a language he doesn't know at all. Playing sports only gets him irritated. Trying to draw is so painful that he thinks he's getting a migraine.

Every picture he draws is an imitation of what should've been, but he messes it up when his eyes become watery.

Goddammit, Len was a _prodigy_.

He couldn't stay like this forever. That was what his mind told him; but his heart denied it.

XXXXXX

Mikuo had no need to feel anything.

He'd seen enough deaths. He'd seen them killed, eaten, tortured, and the list could go on forever. He's so used to them that he could simply turn around and shrug with an 'oh well.'

Rin was no exception. In the beginning.

But, he'd become silent over the span of the next days, not quite recovering from his outburst towards Len. She was like any other; a mage with exceptional skills and someone he'd slept with. They talked normally, like he did with his last comrades.

Though, they didn't share that same connection.

They were born from the same seed, supposedly. Maybe he felt a twinge of sympathy towards her. She reminded him of himself. Wishing for someone to heal.

But it didn't have to end this way. She didn't have to die. Why it was that only her body was preserved? And not her soul? Wouldn't have been more easing to have had her whole body to have disappeared instead like other mages?

She could've lived. And maybe he could have helped her fight in the beginning instead of listening to that goddamn cat. And maybe after the fight she wouldn't be so blinded by her feelings and actually see the sense in a work like this, and then she could see elsewhere, where maybe she wouldn't have to be so alone; not at some genius violinist- -

He was kidding himself now.

Never. To think like that, meant disregarding what he had wished for in the beginning.

Although, the last thing on his mind was that he certainly didn't just think of sympathy towards Rin.

XXXXXX

Len was staring out from where he stood at the balcony, taking the breeze from the oncoming storm.

Was this another monster?

His hands gripped the rail tightly and he grits his teeth in anger.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid- -_

He screams until his voice is hoarse and until he can't think anymore. What are the chances that another mage dies tonight and that it'll go down in history as nothing? It's an overpowering 99 % chance in his head and it's giving him a migraine. What are the chances that someone will die before the mage can finish off the monster- -a whopping 50%.

"FUCK THIS! WHY?! WHY?! DAMMIT!" He screeches a number of profanities, his pale throat raised up to the overcast sky.

His right hand slams against the metal railing and his knuckles become swollen and begin to bleed. No one pays attention to him.

XXXXXX

Luka sits at her coffee table holding an already cold cup of warm milk. She's been sitting there for over two hours and her stone hasn't brightened one bit.

Her fingers grasp it and twirl it around her fingers, the pink stone reflecting the afternoon light; pale in color. It was an overcast day. Someone else was probably fighting the monster; no need for her stone to become brighter.

Her palm gripped it and became a fist, and slammed against the table.

"…it's always like this."

She looked up at the ceiling, trying to burn a hole through it. "Please don't wait for me."

XXXXXX

His brush slammed against an invisible canvas, wildly making his next weapon unconsciously. It was beginning to rain and he had to hurry. He wasn't interested in a cold.

His offense came alive, a sudden scythe in his hand, and Mikuo curses. "Idiot."

He swings the instrument around his body, preparing for the next move and for the monster to reappear. The blade gleans wickedly, and it's reflection he can suddenly see the monster.

He aims and cuts it sharply, a scream emanating from the dying creature. It disappears in the darkness of the alley and in turn, a stone rolls out.

Enough to clean two. Ideal for partnerships.

"Fuck." Mikuo doesn't want to use it, but he does anyway, using up at least one half.

He could crush it underneath his heal; break it- -his foot lifts as it trembles on the ground- -

"If you aren't going to use it, give it to me."

He turns about, his teal eyes hardening at the pretty voice. "Miki."

"Alive and well, I see. Hardee har, har." A shadow appears against the alley walls, its origin at the top of the building.

He turned back to the stone when he heard a light landing on the concrete. "Why are you here?"

Red eyes. Long, red hair. The color of blood. "I heard that _Klotylda_ had landed here over a month ago."

"It's dead. Gone."

"What a shame. But, I heard from a little birdie that the Remnant was never found." Mikuo turned around sharply and Miki appeared from the shadows, in mage regalia.

"And what of it?" He snarled; his scythe showing full length as his arm held it by the tip. It barely touched her throat.

"I heard that it was powerful. Strong. _Klotylda_ was no ordinary monster. It's been alive for over _centuries_. No one's been able to kill it. It's so ancient that it even existed back in beginnings of Egypt; maybe even near the age of the cavemen."

"You're not getting it." Mikuo growled and thrust the tip of the scythe further, his movement deadly. Miki flips back, and laughs.

"The newbie mage went out like a light, didn't she?! I heard all about her from Prophet! You wanna hear the rumors, Mikuo?! About the Remnant?!" She yelled, muffling her laughter in between words.

"The Remnant can grant wishes! No consequences at all, you know! It may be wishful thinking, but even Prophet can't tell for sure! After all, he was the one who contracted _Klotylda_ when she was still a mage!" A wretched, inhumane laugh escapes her lips and her weapon comes to life.

"Rumors say that the magic left in the Remnant could heal others, another monster and turn them back into a mage! They say it can save a person from death; bring them back to life! Anything in the world without consequences!"

"Shut up!"

They dance against each other, weapon glancing against each other. She fights with a long staff, blades at the ends. When it twirls, he moves far back, awaiting for the great burst of a cylindrical light to burn off the nearest object. He dives with his scythe, and she blocks with her staff. It's equal strength between them, struggling to overpower the other.

"You know, you're almost strong enough to become an 'Other'!" Miki grits as beads of sweat gather at her forehead.

"Go to hell, Furukawa." He jumps back, panting.

She smiles darkly. "Maybe if you find it, then you can wake up sleeping beauty!"

XXXXXX

"They're here, Luka."

"Who?"

"The Others."

She scrambles from the table and confronts Kaito. They've always been close, and it was just another visit of his. "Why- -they have no reason- -."

"Mikuo lied. He never found the Remnant. For all we know, some civilian could be selling it right now at some nail salon." His lips twitch upwards at the thought.

"That's not funny! Have you even heard of the rumors?!" She screeches at him, rushing upstairs as he follows after her.

"I have. Where is Prophet?"

"I don't know. He may be at Mikuo's apartment complex. He's always there, now that Rin's…" She quieted. "Get out. I'm going to change."

He sighs. "It's always like this. You've seen it before. You came close to it. It doesn't matter- -."

"I _know _it doesn't!" She yells. Her eyes are shut tight and she trembles at her closet door. "It doesn't change the fact that we get attached. It doesn't change the fact that we are not human anymore, but we still feel like a human. I should know that. You should know that."

And her eyes begin to redden at the edges and she stiffens up. Her soft, cracking voice betrays her. "_You_ almost died, Kaito, what do you think about that? Huh? What do you think _I _was thinking then?"

XXXXXX

Sunshine.

Sunny, tan. Bright and warm. The sun.

It was almost perfect. But I loved it all the more for its faults.

_What was it?_

I don't know.

It's so lonely. I'm alone. Most of the time. Sometimes, I have a companion. It's this black little thing; a cat; was it? I don't know. It has a tiny white star on its forehead, and all it ever does is clean itself. And nothing else.

I try to talk to it, but it never answers me. It won't tell me where I am, what I'm doing here, or what time it is.

That's a routine. But then, there are 'sometimes'. Sometimes I get a twitchy feeling in my fingers, as if they ache to do something. Sometimes my body flexes involuntarily, as it's memorized in my mind, like readying for whatever's…coming. Sometimes, I have dreams.

No, not dreams. Nightmares.

I can't tell if they're my imagination or anything. But somehow, I think they have something to do with me.

If that's the case, then I don't ever want to remember.

XXXXXX

"You know, before the yellow one was a mage and _Klotylda_ was a monster, she was the most powerful mage on Earth." Prophet purred.

Mikuo leaned against the railing of his balcony. "That's the given, isn't it?"

"But, aren't you curious? I'm sure you could see and try to draw similarities between the two."

"I don't care."

"It's such a pity that your kind was born with emotion. The abnormal ones, as we call them, have emotions on our planet. But, it's a very scarce number."

"Why are you helping our planet, anyways?"

"Your kind has been under our observation for years, and we've realized that very easily, your planet's tragedy will easily switch over to the next once it's done its job. That next planet is preferably ours."

"That's selfish."

"We're helping you. Ah, I remember now. Ann. That was her name."

"Who?"

"_Klotylda's _name before a monster. So known was she that she garnered the name 'Sweet Ann'. Beloved she was. But now, had Rin lived, she would have been renowned greater." The being sighed and curled up against Mikuo's leg.

His lax hand had become a fist. "Why do you sound as if Rin was a failure?"

"The yellow child, in no means, was unsuccessful. It wasn't directly her fault, but she should have known to have her stone with her at all times. A common mind should hold true."

"_You_ were the one who wanted her dead!"

If it could, the cat would have rolled its eyes. "You didn't _exactly _disagree."

"You're just at fault. Aren't you her partner?"

_Partner._

XXXXXX

_His finger glides over my lip, pressing it gently._

_His other hand was busy undoing the buttons of my shirt. It's quiet; I can't even hear the sound of the traffic outside. The whole room is saturated in silence. It's barely two a.m.; having spent the last hours in cool stares._

_Why am I doing this?_

_I don't know._

_He's not… I don't even…_

_I don't even have a sufficient reason. I feel like I'm forgetting something. There's an alarm already ringing in the back of my mind, and I choose to ignore it. _

_Before I know it, my hands are already on his chest and I'm being pushed against the bed._

What am I doing?

_I don't know._

_Hands on my bare waist; his mouth pressing harshly against mine, our tastes mingling._

_**I don't know.**_

_Fingers grasping at his back, final countdown, starting at ten._

_**WHAT AM I DOING?!**_

_._

_._

_._

I gasp and wake up. I'm sweating and my hands are gripping my clothes, simple, silver garments.

I'm alone in this white, white world.

Nightmare.

Just a nightmare. Please let it be.

The burning sensation I have won't go away and I start crying for no reason at all.

XXXXXX

It's nighttime and Len stumbles home tiredly. Miku felt like going out that day, and he had just dropped her off.

The quiet streets unnerved him. If a mage was fighting tonight, how come he couldn't hear them? How come he couldn't see them? Or at least sense the monster?

Oh.

Yeah. He's a mortal.

"I'm so tired of this." Len stops in his tracks and his hand grips at a nearby wall.

_I'm so tired of feeling like shit. I'm so tired of feeling like a coward. A pathetic friend. Why can't- -_

He's run out of tears to cry. His eyes are always red rimmed. Before he could let himself hit rock bottom again, a voice speaks up.

XXXXXX

"Why are you mourning? It's a time to celebrate, yellow one."

"Who…who are you?"

"_Sigh_… I would have thought that they would have told you about me. I grant wishes. I make people become mages. I can undo the natural law. I am Prophet."

"…you…you turned Rin into a mage."

"Her? It was part of the contract when she wished. She didn't have to after all."

"You fucking…Why the hell are you still here?! You got what you wanted. Why is it a time to celebrate?!"

"I represent opportunities."

"…what?"

"You know, only the chosen and a select few can see me."

"…what are you saying?"

"_You_ tell me. I never lie, but I speak in riddles."

"I…can wish?"

"If…that's possible, will…will she wake up?"

"If I become a mage, will Rin wake up?!"

"No. You don't have the structure used to make a mage."

"…"

"…ha…WHY? Why are you here then?! If I…don't have the potential to be a mage, then- -Why the hell can _I_ see you?!"

"Not only the chosen can see me, child."

"So that's the only thing I can do? See? I've had enough of that! I've already seen enough. Rin died in vain; she died without credit! Is that what you're trying to tell me?! Huh?! Because I already _know_ that."

"The monster in which Rin battled; its Remnant was never found."

"…Remnant?"

"The monster she fought was a Witch. So powerful; it has survived centuries. There are rumors of the Remnant's powers."

"…"

"I recall from her wish: _I wish for Len to be able to be a prodigy again_. You are one aren't you?"

XXXXXX

It was right.

He was a prodigy. And it was only logical for him to realize. If he couldn't become a mage, yet see… He had his own power to some extent. If he could see such a being, yet not the monsters and mages in battle, it could only mean his power was dormant or slowly strengthening.

Remnant.

Luka told him about it along with what mages were.

"_Remnants are what are left after a monster is killed. They have enough power to cleanse a stone and heal one or two mages. A monster will always leave one behind; no exception."_

Why would Prophet- -

He could see.

And maybe- -

XXXXXX

It was midnight in the park. The street lights never flickered and the nocturnal were beginning to awaken within the city. Luka gripped the railing the separated her from the lake in front of the park. Kaito leaned against, face upwards in cold, superficial bliss.

"They said midnight. How many are coming, Kaito?"

"I don't know. It's probably Miki, Meiko, and just Hiyama. I heard that Miki has a tendency to leave her new partner time and time again."

"Poor thing then. Being stuck with such a blood thirsty person. Her partner shouldn't be anything potentially dangerous, yes?"

"No. Don't know who it is though. Prophet's not coming is he?"

"I don't know."

They stiffened as three beings descended before them. "Luka, Kaito." One of them greeted, pushing his glasses upwards.

"Hiyama."

A soft, velvety giggle erupted and woman appeared from the shadows. Her bob of short hair rustled slightly and her wine red eyes flickered in dangerous amusement. "Formality? How rude. You weren't at all like that before." Her eyes slid towards Luka. "Gakupo is still upset that you're not his partner."

"I don't care about him."

"And that's what you always say."

"Ah, Miki. I heard you got into a fight the other day with Mikuo. You know Prophet dislikes fighting amongst us."

"Prophet doesn't give a shit about us. Mikuo, he and his stupid bloodline, can go to hell."

"Enough- -Is there a reason why you want us out here?" Hiyama stepped forward, blocking the other two.

"We want a treaty."

"For what?"

"That there will be no fighting within the grounds of this city nor will you hunt. All this for you to leave quietly and peacefully."

"Bullshit, you just want the Remnant for yourself. Everyone knows the rumor; just as powerful when the story of Tsubasa came around." Miki snarled.

"I don't know the motives of your group, but honestly, I dislike the feel of it." Luka crinkled her nose.

"Honestly, it has nothing to do with you…!" Her staff took form and began twirling rapidly, and Kaito and Luka dodged quickly.

"If you won't let us into your city, then I guess we'll use force!" Meiko joined in, Hiyama watching silently in the background. A spear held to her outstretched arm, vines instantly creeping along it.

"Come on, let's fight. If Mikuo, who's almost a veteran by now, is strong to match me in power, let's see how strong you are!"

"Are you so desperate to prove your worth as an 'Other', Miki? Mikuo has always been a veteran, you should know that. As for you; your bloodlust is your power- -don't you remember your wish?" Luka taunted in anger, her pistols pointed.

The red haired mage growled and charged; her weapon spinning.

In the background, Meiko stood ready. "Kiyo? You aren't joining?"

"No. Miki needs a lesson. She almost let Piko turn a monster last time."

"You're almost as cruel as she is." A light hearted giggle escaped the woman.

A smile crept onto his face. "To be in this organization, one must be dignified and disciplined. Miki's powerful, so she's an asset. Her recklessness is not. I shall not let impunity pass."

"Ho, ho, roll model you are. I suppose I shouldn't join in. Although, she's wasting magic."

"She can die trying to get a Remnant, then. We don't need so many after the Remnant anyways."

Miki panted as she stopped herself from pivoting into a lamp post. Kaito held ready with his trident- -it only seemed to become larger and more powerful. The smell of salt water was beginning to get on her nerves. Luka poised her guns once more and the smell of burning flesh reached her nose. The bullets had seared through her skin and she wasn't healing fast enough.

They did nothing but stare coolly at her. The staff in her hands trembled. How much magic had she used? She sweated and huffed in an unstable voice, "…Heh…HA. What are you waiting for, huh?! Make your next move! I'm waiting!"

"You're bluffing. That's nothing more than insult to us. Why don't you fight us when you can stand up correctly, huh? And when you fight another mage, look back on this experience and think that an 'Other' like you can't possibly hold her own against mages like us." Luka called with narrowed eyes.

She turned away and Kaito followed after her. They couldn't leave like that. Not so easily. Was she really going to let them get away after words like that?

"I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU ON YOUR OWN AND MAKE SURE YOU DIE BY BEING A MONSTER! I'LL COME AFTER RIN AND I'LL CUT OFF HER LIFE SUPPORT AND KILL HER IN HER GODDAMN SLEEP BEFORE ANY ONE OF YOU CAN FIND THE REMNANT!"

"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

"Shush, Miki. That's enough. You're being pathetic."

"YOU WON'T FIND A REMNANT IN A BIG CITY LIKE THIS WITHOUT THE HELP OF SENSORY POWERS LIKE MINE! I'LL GUARANTEE THAT!"

XXXXXX

It was barely ten p.m. The moon was gently glowing from outside Miku's window as she stared longingly at the photos on her desk. Her hair dripped on the floorboards from her earlier bath and her fingers grazed the frames of the pictures.

She gazed affectionately at a recent photo of her and Len at the hospital when he got out. Beside it was a picture of her winning a talent show when she was younger and another of her and Mikuo at age five.

Her eyes immediately wavered as she placed the picture frame down. "…I made her say such a terrible thing."

Her hands gently grasped the picture of her and Mikuo. She gently pressed the top of it to her lips and murmured, "…Kuo…" She placed it back on the table delicately and traced her slender finger over the silhouette of Mikuo's younger face. "…thank you…"

Before she lay in bed, she gently pressed her lips to the picture.

XXXXXX

"Stay away from Miku."

"Whatever do you mean?" Prophet purred idly as it sat on Mikuo's coffee table. His apartment was spacious with furniture balancing out the room's white walls.

"You know what I mean."

"Why don't you tell me instead?"

Mikuo growled and tugged at his bangs; a habit that was becoming rather a routine now. "We made a deal the moment we met and talked- -You would stay away from any member of my family. I'm reminding you now so you stay away."

Prophet rolled over onto its back and purred, "Don't worry, your blood was the thickest. No need for envy, teal one."

"Liar, you know that anyone of them could have potential at any given time- -it's _our_ blood. Miku is my _twin_. Ever since Rin went out of commission, I know you've been looking for a new replacement. We all know that Miku and Len are going on fucking guilt trips. I don't care about Len- - don't make Miku do anything."

"I could care less about Len. He doesn't have much potential anyways. As for your beloved sister, it all depends." Prophet sighed contentedly.

"What do you mean 'depends'?! If you turn back on our agree- -."

"What do you think the _Klotylda's_ Remnant can do?"

"It can't do shit! Don't change the subject-."

"I assure; I am not. Let's say I know a… 'bloodhound'. And they can find the Remnant. What if the Remnant can do more than heal?" The being hopped off the table and circled around Mikuo.

"You know, resurrect. I'm surprised you haven't heard the rumors."

"I know them. Like I said, the Remnant can't do shit. It's like any other and those rumors are fake- -."

"How do you know? The only ones who should know are me and Sweet Ann."

XXXXXX

"I'm sick."

"Yet, I have someone else."

"Why…why can't this be right?"

"Why is this wrong?"

Miku stares forlornly at the mirror.

_What's wrong with me?_

XXXXXX

School begins. However, it takes Len until the end of the week to get his thoughts together.

The sky is overcast and the class is slightly brimming with excitement from the recent disaster. A few students are missing; to which a few students mourn quietly over. By lunch, the class has quieted down and nobody seems to care much for the absent anymore.

Len sits oblivious to a distraught Miku; his eyes focused elsewhere. Something is bubbling up in chest. Was it anxiety? Excitement? He doesn't know. But, it doesn't stop him from approaching Megurine, Shion, and the Hatsune bastard during lunch.

It shocks a few classmates into looking out from the classroom windows as they head to the roof, Miku tagging along silently, refusing to look at either of them.

The moment the get up there, Len speaks, back turned. "I talked to Prophet." Miku doesn't understand, so she backs off and stays near the exit and entrance of the roof.

"That's not possible- -." Luka is interrupted by Mikuo.

"He's probably one of the select few, although, _weak_." Mikuo spits, shoving his hands into his pockets. A storm is brewing, and neither can tell if it's figurative or literally.

Len turns almost viciously towards him. "It's dormant- -slowly strengthening. Prophet had said so."

"Prophet is a goddamned liar. He doesn't do anything but cause shit for other people." Mikuo takes a few steps closer. The tension arises and sends the others on alert. "So you can see. So. What."

"The Remnant isn't found easily all the time, right? And this Remnant is probably the most powerful in mage history, isn't it? It won't be easy to find."

Mikuo leans back with narrowed eyes. "A slowly strengthening power. Surely, but sure. What if it's not strong enough in time? Monsters aren't the only enemy a mage has. What makes you think we would need something that isn't even in stock yet?"

"The Remnant could save Rin! Hasn't Prophet told you that already-."

"Like I said, Prophet is a deceitful piece of shit. How would a person like _you_ save- -no, that's not accurate; how _can_ a person like _you_ even know how to save Rin? All you can do is sit and be ignorant."

"All you did was sit when Rin died, cried your fucking eyes out and complain like a little kid about how it was unfair. Do you even have a right to save her?! Are you kidding me?! Maybe you feel guilty that she forced herself to become a mage so you can be saved from always having to listen to someone else play the violin. Bull. Shit." Mikuo slammed his fist against Len's chest, causing him to falter in his stance. "I know all those words you said to Rin. Every. Fucking. Letter. And you know what, it was probably the last goddamn straw; how can someone's doom be their savior?!"

"SHUT UP!"

His fist slammed against Mikuo's jaw. Miku ran and grasped Len by the waist, her nails digging into his shirt. "Len, please!" Kaito forced Mikuo against the wall as he yelled.

"LUKA! Get a teacher, dammit, Mikuo, you know better! What happened to the years of discipline?!"

Ignored, Mikuo continued. "What could you possibly know about being a mage? Are you even her friend anymore? Because I know I am! And much more! Did you know that virgin blood drives monsters crazy and sends them wild after mages?! Rin had problems with that; really honest too! Being the friend I am, I helped her with that problem! Did you know that? Huh? I bet you didn't, because you don't know shit about mages go through! What _we_ went through; what _she_ went through! How can you understand what it's like?! How could someone who doesn't even understand save someone who does?!"

"…You…You did what?" The only thing on his mind besides his anger was a fresh middle, gently and innocently poking at his mind that it nearly caused him to tear.

By Kaito and a teacher, Mikuo was dragged away to infirmary. A dark, bitter smile adorned his face as he spun another glance at Len.

XXXXXX

"Easy. N- -No! Stop, that actually hurts!" Mikuo hissed as he slapped Miku's hand away. She opened and closed her mouth in silent protest and puffed her cheeks out in hurt.

Len sat on the other cot, his knuckles wrapped. While currently glaring at the teal boy, Kaito and Luka kept strict constraint on him. The teacher was already lecturing them.

"I should expect only the best from my students, particularly you two! Shion, Megurine, and _Miss_ Hatsune did what was right. Starting a fight on school grounds is particularly bad! You think this is some playground; some kickboxing ring? Huh? Well, it isn't; and next time, you two will be suspended!"

Hatsune Mikuo.

_Now_ the highest ranked artist in school. Smart enough and athletic in his own terms. An undercover mage and brother to Hatsune Miku, best female singer in school.

Len's left hand twitched somewhat.

"Hatsune and you will have cleaning duty for the rest of the month, instead of the usual week! Maybe if you two learn to bond, then we wouldn't have a fight to begin with!"

He wasn't listening.

It was somewhat clear.

Had he lost his best _friend_ to this…this _person_?

No, not person. _Mage_. Then, again, Rin was a mage, wasn't she? It feels so bitter in his mouth now. All those little things, maybe at first, when he didn't know, were just to distance herself for the sake of his and Miku's relationship. Was that really _it_? No. It couldn't have been. And it's so _easy_ once he thinks it all over.

He has a car, and her number. He's a goddamn prodigy; teaching isn't hard. He's fairly artistic; probably enough to match her in projects. Maybe. Known her longer. _Maybe- -_

"Kagamine-san! Are you listening?!"

No, no, no. That's not how…

He was in the wrong now. Or was he?

Len stood up abruptly. "I'm leaving." Just to air himself out, forget Mikuo, and get away from the rest of his mind.

The teacher sputtered, "Just who do you think you are?! Leaving school grounds is forbidden; and strictly prohibited under my watch! I will suspend you for more than half a month if you disobey- -!"

All he did was wave his hand in a lax way.

XXXXXX

Mikuo walked silent Miku home. She had waited for him to finish his duties afterschool. Night was approaching and he hadn't protested against it. The wind blew through the tree branches, whistling in the leaves.

Mikuo walked forward heavily; much on his mind. He almost didn't notice the disappearance of the other pair of footsteps.

"…Miku?"

Her head was hanging down; hair blocking her expression. But, just by the street lamp, he could see her crying; her knuckles going white from holding her bag two tightly.

"Y-you know, I made her say such a terrible thing…" She whispered in a trembling voice.

Who moved closer to her, staring down at her, "How can you make someone say something terrible to you?" Mikuo pondered softly.

"N-no. Not like that. It…it was over Len." She murmured so quietly that he could barely hear her.

"Len?"

"It was sometime after I started going out with him. She liked him longer than I did, so you know, she had a right go after him first. I said that to her." Her head tilted upwards in quiet mercy. "But, I also said that it came down to a matter of things."

"That he just liked you better in the end." Such cruel words mocked him in the back of his head. It didn't matter who the victim was; they were such cruel, cruel words to say.

"It was… just- -I felt threatened at the prospect that someone knows and cares for Len better than I did. I did it out of defense- -and- -I-I…I'm just guilty that I made her say those words; and she never a got a chance anyways." She sobbed softly, rubbing harshly against her eyes and nose.

"…I don't know what you want me to say."

"You don't have to. It's done and over with and I'm already losing him." She mumbled.

He gritted his teeth somewhat. "You deserve better anyways. Len isn't that good of a person."

"I knew you'd say that anyways…" She whispered. "But…how can you say that?"

He stiffened. "Say what?"

"You had an attachment to her. Tell me…tell me that it isn't just _something_- -she wasn't obvious about it and I won't say _what_; but tell me…no, don't tell me you don't feel threatened in some ways, by the thought of _Len_ leaving me."

"…I don't get it."

Her bag dropped to the ground and she starting tugging on her sleeves. "What happens if Len leaves me? _After_ that?"

"I-I… It's okay…you don't need to realize now. I'd rather you didn't." She whispered and her eyes focused steadily on him. "I…you suffered this whole time- -."

"It's not suffering if I did it willingly."

"Even so…! I…I never did thank you!" She yelled her hands forming determined fists.

"You don't have- -…?!"

She forced herself against him, her lips brushing against his. Mikuo pulled away forcibly, pushing her away in the process.

Miku's eyes were shut, but she continued stammer through tears. "It's okay…I'm starting to part from Len, anyways. You- -You're d-disgusted aren't you? I-I'm sorry. Mikuo; I really a-am. I-I just…"

He leaned against a nearby wall, a hand over his mouth. "I'm not…I'm not dis-," He swallowed and Miku started before he could even finish.

"S-see? You can't even finish your sentence. You are disgusted!" Miku cried, wiping furiously at her already red eyes. "I don't blame you- -you've been a really good brother, Mikuo. I'm just sorry you had to have a sister like me."

She turned off, but he caught her wrist before she could go, "No! I mean- -I…I just don't…understand. I do, but…" He sucked in a silent breath and his grip grew tight. "I'm sorry. But…I can't give you what you want."

"…"

They aren't proper brother and sister. They've been separated. Their lives are too different. His hand rises awkwardly in a good night, but slides down to where he mutters dryly, "Good night, Miku."

He leaves slowly and unsurely and unresolved Miku stays slumped near a wall.

XXXXXX

_It was a few weeks before I got sick._

_We were up in his room, and I was witnessing him starting another piece of art on his notes as our tutor session ended. _

"_This is turning out well; maybe this'll be my weekly sketch for art class." He smiled with narrowed eyes and confidence._

_My brows furrowed._

"_That's not…"_

"_Sure it is. What, art has to be on a canvas? A real sketchbook?"_

_My lips purse into a line, "I'm not saying it's bad, but I think it's prefer-."_

_He shoved the picture at me. "Look at it. I'm going to be honest; it's beautiful isn't it?"_

_And honestly, it was. Very much; the draping lines and shades were practically perfect. The slopes of the lines were smooth and gentle yet commanding._

"_It is, but…"_

"_Art doesn't have to be on a canvas to be beautiful." He took a step forward and roughly pointed my chin towards his ungracefully, making my neck almost crack._

"_If it did, I'd wonder why you aren't on one."_

_His finger glides over my lip, pressing it gently…_

XXXXXX

He doesn't think. Instead he stares. At the mess on the ground. Lily isn't quite herself, but that leaves no excuse to leave a mess everywhere.

She's asleep on the couch, her snores echoing somewhat. The door was left haphazardly open. She was the first person in mind when he left the school. She's skipped school for about a week, probably using Rin's absence as a reason to get out. To mourn. Let the shock soak in. Or just be genuine. He sees slight eyes bags under her eyes that haven't been there before.

It doesn't stop him from waking her up roughly.

She blinks owlishly and wakes up groggily, before snapping right back into a resigned position. "Why did you wake me up?"

Her words settle in him uncomfortably.

"I wanted to ask you something." Len says his words in chopped sentences; short and sweet.

"What?" Lily pushes hair away from her pretty face, trying to look presentable. As she stands up, her foot knocks a bottle of alcohol down. "How did you get in here? No- wait, the door was open."

"I want to know where Rin's stone is."

Her eyes harden at the sound of her name. "I gave it back to _them_. Those black occult freaks; whatever they are," She sits back down, "Rin could have lived if they hadn't been so interested in the devil."

Her words are wrong and right in some ways and he stops himself from trying to correct her. She didn't know Rin's reason. She didn't know.

He turns his head away. _And she doesn't need to_.

"Who exactly did you give it to?"

"The pink haired girl. I doubt you'll get it." She snorts, before flopping ungracefully back on the couch, blowing her flop of hair away from her face. "And you _shouldn't_. It should stay where it belongs." Lily laughs remorsefully. "I didn't get the right to watch over her. Why should you get to have that stone?"

It's silent after that. He leaves when her suddenly glassy eyes close. When he walks outside the building, it's already about sunset; school is over and he's probably suspended. He doesn't care.

His feet take him away to a familiar penthouse.

XXXXXX

I…

I didn't want to remember.

_It was all so painful_.

XXXXXX

"No. I don't want any help from him."

"He can spot it much more clearly than- -."

"I don't care! We don't need him helping us! We were already fine!"

Mikuo glowers at the blonde boy in front of him. "What about Rin? She can't stay like that forever!" Luka argues.

"And she won't." The teal boy growls. "We can do this alone. And he can't see all that much to an extent!"

"Then how about this? Let's go out and find a monster. If he can see it; then good." Kaito challenges from where he sits at the table, his hand twirling the spoon in his cup.

"He's going to die." Mikuo states firmly.

"Not with three of us. If he dies, then it'll a trade, you know. "

"…trade?"

"Won't it be fair?" Kaito speaks cryptically. His mouth gently twitches upwards absent-mindedly, and everything goes silent. "You know; if he dies?"

"Rin died. Because of Len, if you think of it a certain way."

"Now, he can die for her sake."

XXXXXX

I never asked to remember.

It just happened. So sudden, everything hitting me. The pain, the emotions, and what exactly sunshine was to why I burned on the inside.

I cried. I was alone. _Dead._

I remember every torturing moment as the monster devoured me; my soul. The very last thing on my mind.

Why did I- -

Do I even- -

Who the hell do I think I am?

My story was never a fairy tale to begin with. If anything, I was just a person living a lie and accepting it. I knew I was hurting. I didn't do anything but accept it and go on. I did it for another person. It's not stupid. I know that.

_I know._

I had so much left. So much more.

I did it for a guy. Who didn't even love me back? Who never knew fully the extent I sacrificed. Went out with another girl and didn't hesitate to show it. Whose girlfriend made me spit words of venom? Why- -

WHY? WHY?!

_Why?_

_This…is the thanks I get_?

Even though I had choices…Even though he liked someone else…Even though I was just a 'one of'… Why did it have to go this way?!

It wasn't Len's fault. It wasn't Miku's fault. It wasn't Prophet's.

It was mine.

It was like that saying…something to do with faltering. When he said those words to me back in the hospital, I broke. I let myself falter from what was reality and just fantasy. It's all so clear now. I can't change it, I wish I didn't remember because then I wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore.

Hope is nothing more than a double edged blade.

And it will never go away.

It's so painful that it burns through physically and I cry. Perhaps it's probably better than being alive. Because it would have more painful.

_I still love you._

I hate this. And myself.

_It hurts so much…!_

XXXXXX

It's scary.

Frightening; the most horrifying gruesome thing he's ever seen. But the only thing that matters is that he can see it. Breathing and real, grotesque and alive, pulsing and moving. Down hearted emotions nearly drown him and Mikuo yells at him.

"You idiot! Move back if you wanna live!" Monsters caused every entity of pain and despair; enticing prey.

The fearsome clash of blade against claw echoes high into the night; a brilliant fight ensuing. Mikuo fights with Kaito; Luka watches over Len. It's a level three monster; not as strong as a Witch, but powerful enough.

His eyes struggle to keep up with the momentum and every attack. "…did Rin…?"

"Didn't need a partner and she went through this every day." Luka murmurs quietly, waiting for any oncoming attacks. "She fought a Witch and almost won, didn't she?"

He grits his teeth. "Almost."

"This is natural routine. The world is clogged up with so many of these, yes?" She whispers so quietly that he strains to hear.

"It doesn't really matter does it…"

"Not when you can see this much." She says as the monster crumbles in the dust.

Before anyone else can see it; he can see the heart dim and become rock in the thickness of the disappearing grains.

XXXXXX

"They have a bloodhound. And 'it' seemed to have grown abruptly."

"I like competition. Piko can go first, then."

XXXXXX

They don't start immediately.

They are in the midst of formulating their plan. It takes for only a few days, but for Len, it's been years. He's in school now, still forced to do afterschool cleaning.

He doesn't need to; to go to school, work at a level that he's already surpassed, making hundreds every day and a ninety-nine point nine on really bad days. He doesn't have to suffer through the pains of adolescence and go through the drama of people his age when he's practically already grown up. He didn't have to deal with making friends, enemies, or mages.

It makes him wonder; would things have been different if he had never lived a life this?

People still ask him how he was holding up; in the hallways, classrooms; anywhere. Yet, what about the missing? Even time after the disaster; homes were lost. People were missing. And yet…how can things continue on like normal? Like nothing had happened?

He knew he was being a hypocrite.

Maybe, secretly…

Everyone… Everybody was secretly crying inside. Using smiles and squinted eyes to hide the sounds of their sobs and the red rimmed and water in their eyes. They feel that dull aching; the hollow sound of the backdrop beat is gone; several of them; because the missing are in numbers and everyone's waiting.

What day is it? That doesn't matter? What month, hour, or second is it? Nobody really cares. Everyone's waiting.

That's just what he thinks. But, their side of town isn't as bad as the other. Some students were forced to go to a new school because their side of the city was practically nothing more than dust.

"Utatane Piko, your seat is next to Sato. Sato, please raise your hand. Nakajima, yours is seated next to Suzuki."

The teacher rambles off a list of students joining their already crowded room. He notices one of the new students- -Utatane?- -take Rin's seat.

It isn't fair.

XXXXXX

"We've never tried this hard to bring someone 'back'." Kaito says idly, looking at the comatose girl.

"My younger sister…she was just like Rin…" Luka whispered. "…she never made it out of the crash."

He barely hears her. "Wouldn't it just be easy, if you think about it, _so _easy, just to pull the plug?"

She looks sharply at him. "Stop it. I don't want to hear this. You know I- -."

"_Look_ at her! She's already dead on the inside! She already _looks_ dead. The Remnant might not even meet expectations."

"We have to try… I want to. Mikuo wants to. _Len_ wants to. Try…" Luka mutters.

"Hope is double-edged blade. It's better to never aim so high."

XXXXXX

"I'm Piko." He has a feminine face, but boyish enough to distinguish him from girls.

Len already dislikes him. He's already in a bad mood from this morning. The crowded room, seat replacements, and Miku had refused to look at him all day. "Kagamine Len and this is Hatsune Miku."

"Hatsune?" His eyes brighten up immediately and Piko smiles broadly. He seems friendly, but it makes Len narrow his eyes. "I heard that the Hatsune family was notorious…for talent." He pauses in his sentence, and nearly misses a beat.

In the background, Len can see a wary Mikuo. Miku tilts her head up gently before looking away once more. There's something off, but Len reluctantly shakes hands with him.

XXXXXX

"It's been a week, and all Piko's done is getting friendly!" Miki growls in their meeting and she is immediately shushed by Meiko.

"It's more progress than you would've made. If things get nowhere in two days, you can start your search straightaway. But, of course, you need to eliminate their lead, though." Hiyama states, fingers crossed under his chin.

"I don't need to wait. Piko is doing nothing more than holding us back. Can't we just break in and kill her and him?"

"We're tossing the blame on Piko. He's weaker than Mikuo; and we don't need a weak link. You're an asset, so if you get killed by either Kaito or Luka; it will be a high expense. Of course, Piko doesn't know this and he doesn't need to. Piko can kill the two, with what little power he has; do not forget that."

"But, there're six of us and three of them!"

"Do you remember how easily defeated you were by Luka and Kaito?" Kiyoteru speaks plainly and it garners crows of cool mirth amongst the others. All Miki can do is bite her lip at her superior.

"Now, imagine if they take out you and Piko. That leaves four of us. Considering they have a Hatsune on their side and that Prophet is very partial to their bloodline, they can be even with us. And now, if you haven't realized, their 'bloodhound' is a prodigy; spotting deceit is not hard him. The balance will be in their favor, Miki."

"If you fail us now, you know what the punishment is."

XXXXXX

Miku grows close to Piko; but between them, it is only platonic. Len only acknowledges him without any dislike. However, Mikuo can only watch in disdain with the others.

Piko befriends them enough for them to let him 'meet' Rin. When they walk up the stairs and into the room…

And at first sight, it's enchantment.

_Sleeping beauty…_

_You are somewhere._

XXXXXX

"It's been three days, Kiyoteru. Piko hasn't done anything!" Miki shouts as if in anguish; desperate and needy.

He sighs. "Piko will therefore be held a failure. This is your mission now. You aren't allowed to fail."

XXXXXX

_If I could wake up…_

_I don't think I would._

_I don't want to wake up in a world where the pain is unbearable. I don't want to have to turn my head away and feel pain._

XXXXXX

_Clang_

_CLASH_

_SCREEEEEE- -_

"Run, dammit!" Mikuo chokes out as his weapon blocks Hiyama's blows. It's almost overpowering, but he yells for Len to take Miku and run with the Remnant. He's pushed back down onto the pavement, his head nearly cracking on the concrete.

"Mikuo!" Miku sobs in anguish, before tugged away by Len. She sees everything, hears the metals clanging together, the sound of a wretched scream in the background. Kaito is elsewhere, Luka somewhere, battling. Two mages are dead, and they have the Remnant.

The ruined part of the city is a battleground and Len runs, the Remnant held tightly in his fist. Miku sobs the whole way, running through an unknown direction, trying to find a way to Rin, hoping that no one has gotten to her first.

Daylight is cracking over the horizon, and he kicks open Luka's door and ploughs through the stairs. Miku screams when she hears the sound of the apartment stairs being broken down; it's not Kaito, Mikuo, or Luka.

He skids in the hallway, stopping and holding Miku by the shoulders.

"Miku, I want you to hide in Luka's closet, okay? Whatever you do, do not open the door. Do not answer to someone called Prophet; don't come until it's been a month if possible, okay? Promise me."

He kisses her chastely, the feeling numb and cold and he pushes her into the closet before dashing off. She can't say anything, for fear of being heard.

He can hear them taking their time going upstairs, hear them laughing at the situation. Len searches frantically, hoping to find her stone; and he does. It's murky and dark in color and rushes hurriedly to the room Rin's in.

"I can hear you! I won't fail this mission- -." There's another crash in the penthouse, and the sound of blood painting the floor is heard. A wretched, gasping cough is heard. "You…traitor! Just wait until Kiyoteru hears about this!"

"He already knows I defected. I told him that before I killed him. I think." It's a quiet, even voice; so familiar that it frightens him.

"You think- -."

Len didn't hesitate to hear anymore after that. His hands quake with the stone and Remnant. He could die in this moment; but he doesn't want that; not yet. He still has to…

A battle takes place downstairs and he nearly falls over. "Dammit…!"

He takes one more look at Rin, coming as close to her as possible. "Rin, I might die today. But, I don't want you to meet me." He murmurs shakily.

The objects connect in his hands as the walls around him close in.

"_Wake up. Please."_

XXXXXX

_What- -_

_N-no- -_

_Why- -_

xXx_Len_xXx

_She wakes up, eyes fluttering open, breathless as if immerging from the water._

_Her eyes are glazed over. _

_It's like she's not really seeing anything._

_Is she?_

XXXXXX

When my eyes open, I can't breathe. There's a pounding in my head. I can't think right, my body's numb, yet animated at the same time.

**Nothing makes sense.**

_All I know…_

_Is that I'm alone._

**Why am I awake?**

XXXXXX

A/N:

This is the second chapter; and no, it isn't done. It's going to PROBABLY have at least two more chapters. This chapter had more action than angst. If I didn't add action, then the story would have gotten nowhere. If you are confused, please PM me.

It's okay if my ultimatum was not met, because I _really_, _really_ want to get started on the next chapter of this. Okay, here're a few answers to some questions you may have.

Apparently, Mikuo's family has something in their heritage that makes them perfect for being mages, so that is why Mikuo wants Prophet to stay away from his family. If you didn't get the gist; Mikuo was excluded from his family because he was _different_. The fact that his blood was so 'thick' for mage was why he was excluded from his family (but, of course, his family has no idea how powerful their heritage is, because being a mage is SECRET, even to a family member. However, Lily was an exception to Rin, since she had Rin's stone.)

Yes, Sweet Ann is _Klotylda_, the Witch that Rin fought in the last chapter. Miku happened to be at the last battle of this chapter because she was being used as bait; it was not explained, but probably will be in the next chapter. Sleeping beauty is a reference to Rin of course. And yes, the select few who can see have better eyesight than a mage. And no, Len has not realized to the FULL extent that Rin is in love with him or has realized what his emotions are now. At least Mikuo isn't as dense. And poor Miku; falling in love with Mikuo who can't reciprocate.

BTW, does anyone have a certain Vocaloid that they want to have punched in the face in this story by a cellphone? Anyone?


	3. of noble and honorable deaths

**of noble and honourable deaths**

Summary: how would you like to die?

_Why am I awake?_

_What am I even living for?_

_Where is my logic? My reason?_

.

.

.

.

.

_**I don't think I have one anymore.**_

.

.

.

.

.

.

I wake up.

And it is the single most terrifying thing to know that I am.

_I am _'what'?

_I don't know._

XXXXXX

Miku sits on her porch alone. She can only gaze up at the sky. Her fingers push away her phone.

She doesn't even know why she's crying.

She has no one to console; she is lost in her solitude. A nurturing voice speaks to her.

XXXXXX

I can hear. Feel. Breathe.

At first, I'm alone.

I scream; and it's so unnatural and grotesque; my voice is dry from neglect. I feel pain and emotion return to me; and I know- -_ I know - -_

I'm _alive. Reanimated._

It creates onslaught on my mind; because nothing makes sense. Why am I awake? Why am I alive? And when I open my eyes for first time, really, I see the walls crashing in around me, this terrible, horrible world seemingly coming to an end; and I think- -

_I'm not alive._

_I'm in __**hell**__._

But, I see _his_ face, concern clouding those dark eyes of his- -no, this isn't hell, not anymore. And it's become so suffocating; remembering every emotion, every want and need. Before I can even speak; the walls finally collapse and I start crying for no reason at all.

Someone crashes through the door; small drops of blood painting a wall. I hear a scream, a crash, a loud cacophony; and I'm carried away because I'm frozen in fear. And in the midst, I faint.

XXXXXX

"Rin. Rin!" He shakes the unconscious girl. Miku is beside him; having found haven in an alley not too far from the battle.

Unsteadily, he places her on the ground. "She's asleep; but she woke up, Miku. She screamed…" He stammered; his eyes wary.

Miku doesn't say anything; the sun finally peeks over the horizon and she wipes the grime from her face. "What…what about the others?"

"I don't know. But, I've seen them in battle. Piko…he was a mage too. He was fighting that mage with the red staff. In Luka's apartment. I…he had been on their side. But, for some reason; I still don't know; he defected."

"…I hope he's not dead." She murmurs.

Those words sank into him; deep and heavy. "Being a mage is nothing but sadness. Hopefully no one has become a monster. Luka…Kaito and Mikuo are going to have to be forced to fight some after this in order to achieve a Remnant. And their stones are probably filthy from using up magic against the other mages."

"They're strong…right?" Miku says it in uncertainty, her voice begging for assurance that he is almost foreign to.

But somehow, he realizes another thing and settles down on him easily. It makes him mad and almost disgusted; but he doesn't move away from Miku. He's hurt, but it doesn't change anything. "Mikuo is alright. He healed you and from that, he got regeneration." He mutters a little harshly without meaning to.

She looks away.

XXXXXX

Piko is sweet.

In a very friendly way. When I woke up; it was in Mikuo's apartment. I was stuck in his familiar scent; pine and rain. It was suffocating; a bad way to wake up.

Then again, waking up to begin with was never my objective.

The ceiling had come into focus, moments after dizzy realization. I don't wake up to find myself alone. It's night time; I can see over the city street lights outside of Mikuo's window. When my head shifts over, I see a nodding blonde head.

_He's here_.

Outside the room, I hear quiet chatting and grunts of slight pain. The smell of cooking wafts from beneath the closed door.

I can't stand this.

This terrible, horrible room. The scent, the memories that come with it. This bed is so disgusting I can't put it into words. His presence suffocates me and holds me in a headlock. Everything hits me at full throttle and I feel like throwing up- -

_I'm gonna- -!_

I stumble out of the bed; slipping on the rug and almost falling and I shoot into Mikuo's bathroom. I lock it behind me; I don't anyone after me- -I hack up into his toilet, crying because my body hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts to a degree that's unexplainable- -

Why am I alive?

Why am I still here?

I rub my eyes and I back up into a wall; ignoring the calls they give through the other side of this room. And then I see myself in Mikuo's full length mirror.

I look dead. I seem dead; just a bundle of skin and bones in the floor; clothed in a button up shirt three sizes too large because I'm so unhealthy looking; nothing more than a skeleton. And I'm so pathetic looking; so _ugly_. My hair's dull, I've lost my color, and I'm so unearthly looking that it's scary. Maybe it would have been better to have stayed dead.

The door opens and Luka walks in because she's a girl and I'm not comfortable around Miku and vice versa. I don't want Mikuo in here, no matter if we've touched unlike the others. She kneels in front of me and takes my hands in hers gently. I don't want kindness; I don't to be treated gently.

_I want to feel human_.

I don't want to feel dead; 'undead' or anything. But it's a cold, dead fact.

I snatch my hands away, shake my head and try to move into my corner of the room as much as possible.

"Rin. Why are you trying to move away?" Luka murmurs carefully.

"Why am I awake?" I whisper. I'm supposed to be dead. Not breathing.

Luka stays silent for a long moment. "I don't know." She tells me and everything starts to crack. "For me, it was because you were…" Her voice gets quieter, "I had a younger sister. She died while I lived."

…oh.

Oh.

…**I** was…a **replacement**…

For what _was_.

I closed my eyes tight and buried my head in my knees. "There were other mages before me. Why…didn't you save them?!"

She stops her hand from touching me. "The monster you fought wasn't an ordinary one. It was a Witch; the most difficult kind to fight. And it happened that this Witch was most powerful; whose Remnant had whispers of ancient powers."

"But it's gone now. I'm awake. Who killed it?" I never finished it off.

"Mikuo did. It was still strong enough to mask its presence; it had some level of difficulty."

"…what about the mages who had their soul eaten like me? Whatever happened to them?" Luka paled, it was such a tense subject.

"The plugs were pulled, Rin. Yours wasn't pulled because you had no guardian at the time to place you in the hospital and I kept watch over you."

"They would have pulled the plug on me?"

"Because of experiences before; the doctors can only assume it to be a helpless case."

"…that isn't fair."

"I know."

She doesn't get it.

XXXXXX

Again, Piko is sweet.

I've been living with Luka. She has inheritance- from her dead grandmother- so she was able to fix the place up easily. I don't know anything about Lily at the moment. I haven't talked to Mikuo or Len properly; only Luka. When I woke up in Mikuo's apartment; Luka took me to her home right afterwards; I never caught a glance of anyone except for Piko, who I didn't know then.

When I stand in front of the school building; I feel foreign to it. No one stands outside, because they're inside. I heard that because of what happened, I'll be switched to another classroom due to the lack of space. And for that, I feel grateful and slighted at the same time.

_I'm always feeling like shit._

In my new classroom, I don't know anyone. Anybody. And they don't know me. All they know is that I've been missing in action since the disaster. I'm alone; and I suppose the people in my homeroom don't know that I'm back. I stay silent throughout the whole day until lunchtime where three girls approach me.

I don't know them. One has long pink hair, not like Luka though; but straight and in a ponytail. She looks at me apologetically. Another had dark plum hair and regards me harshly with her eyes. The third one had highlights in her light sandy hair; something that would have gotten her in immediate trouble. But no one even seems to care.

"You're Kagamine Rin, aren't you?"

I don't say anything but my head. They know me. I think hard, but I can't even remember them.

One of them rolls their eyes at my despondency. "You're an artist, right?" The purple one asks as the one with the highlights peels wrapper off a stick of gum. She offers me one and I guess she's nice. I don't take it.

I nod again. That was one of my earliest mistakes. I shouldn't have done anything at all…

"Good." The purple one smiles saccharinely; and dread fills me. She plucks a sheet of paper with something on it, "Draw this for me, won't you?"

XXXXXX

"_I'm sorry, Len."_

"…_I see. I…don't understand. Why- -."_

"_You're a prodigy. You should have seen this coming. But, you don't. And it's probably because your heart refuses to."_

"…"

"_G-goodnight, Len."_

XXXXXX

I spend lunchtime up on the roof, disappearing. It doesn't look like it's about to storm. It's nothing more than grey clouds. Luka made my lunch; and she cooks far better than I ever did. In my pocket, I feel the warmth of my stone and take it out.

It's just like me.

It's light, however bright it is, trembles like a flame about to go out. Maybe it's just phase or because I just woke up; I don't know.

I don't open my lunch yet and I suddenly have clumsy company. He trips slightly going up the stairs from where I can see him; his almost silver, but white head bobbing.

He looks at me; clear mismatching eyes boring into mine. "Hello - I didn't mean to interrupt you - that is, if you enjoyed the silence."

He's nice. I saw him in Mikuo's home. At that memory; I know he's a mage. I was sitting on the edge of the roof; so I scoot so he can sit beside me. He probably didn't come here just for anything; so he takes the space beside me.

It's awkwardly quiet.

He turns to me; his cheeks slightly a tint darker. "I'm Utatane Piko." He stretches his hand out, expecting me to take it; which I do.

"Kagami Rin." I murmur. I start undoing my lunch; and I talk to him. "You're a mage."

He chuckles. "Yes; I met you once in your sleep. You look healthier today," Piko examines me.

I shrug, uncomfortable at his sudden gaze. "Did you become one after or before me?"

"Before; but still rather new, I guess. What do you like?"

"I like fruits. And going around the city." My sentences are short; choppy and display coldness. Am I really this bitter…?

He smiles. "What do you dislike?"

I concentrate solely on my food and stab at it; watching the neat and colorful arrangement becoming undone. "Fighting. Waking up," He doesn't get it, "Singers. Being _questioned._"

Piko smiles sheepishly at me. "I'm sorry. We've only met formally just now. And you've had a bit of your life taken away, haven't you?"

At least he takes it into consideration. "It's always like this…"

It goes silent again. He says to me, "I haven't really gotten out into the city much; will you show me around sometime?"

I pick my head up at him; cheeks flushing. I look away again. "Okay. Just tell me whenever-."

The bell for the end of lunch rings and we leave the roof. I disappear into the crowd.

XXXXXX

"A family…dinner?" My hair drips, running down my skin. I sit on my new bed and Luka stands at the doorway.

Luka looks at me in sympathy. "Your sister – I believe 'Lily' – called just about an hour ago. Your parents are coming back from their business trip."

XXXXXX

Luka doesn't mind that I disappear from time to time.

It just feels so…

_Natural_

I wanted to talk. To Mikuo.

For anything. For everything. All that's happened. Something twists - uncomfortably and familiar – in my stomach; a slow, sinking feeling. I'm almost scared. I don't know why. I don't know what I want from him.

…Would he be insulted?

I don't know.

XXXXXX

I meet Piko in a café; on a Saturday afternoon.

It's bright and sunny; and he takes me by the hand as we walk out. I barely know anything about him. I've never been on dates; I've never had a boyfriend. I don't how to react to _this_; to _him_.

The only experiences I have ever had were in hopeless reveries and imaginary conversations. Mikuo never counted. Never will. Those memories…

I take Piko around the city- -it's different. Broken. And it's not pretty at all; it's a metaphor-for something; someone. And I feel uncomfortable looking at it. This…

_Was my failure_.

No…not 'was'…'is'…

_I wasn't careful. I wasn't smart. I let people die._

We're in a train; that overlooks the city. My grip unconsciously tightens on the metal bar I hold onto. Beads of sweat gather under my hat.

_I destroyed homes. Maybe even people. I might have accidentally killed someone._

My teeth dig into my bottom lip and my head ducks down. Why… Why does it feel like everyone is staring at me…?

_I wasn't able to kill the monster. The Witch. The thing that's been wreaking havoc for centuries on Earth…_

Why…are you scrutinizing me? I didn't…I just couldn't- -

_I failed._

**DON"T LOOK AT ME!**

_And all around me; it shows._

I want to faint; throw up. I feel it rise in my throat; pulling from my toes and ringing in my ribs. I swallow; tears rising up in my eyes. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"Rin? Are you okay?"

I don't see anything but the city's ruins.

_I'm sorry._

XXXXXX

"I wish to be stronger."

XXXXXX

"Our casualties are bad. It wouldn't have had to seem this terrible; and do you know why, Miki?"

"Because I failed y- -…!" She falls to the ground; her already injured body collapsing from the slap.

Hiyama dusts his hands off; getting rid of dirt. "We've lost two mages; Gakupo and Gumi. Secondly; Piko has defected. Now we are only three." He regards Meiko silently, "Two, if Meiko had not have had healing powers."

"The balance of powers has been tipped over. It has been found that a new mage has become; another Hatsune bastard. It is three to _six_. And yet, they still have their bloodhound. We must recruit."

Miki looked at him with seething eyes. "As for you, Miki; shall not participate this time."

XXXXXX

When he finds out she's dead, he doesn't really know how to breathe.

In the beginning, it's just regret. He said hurtful things and he never exactly made up for them. He understood the things she did. Just never to a full extent.

She wasted her time; money; and words on him. And when he found out that he could play again; play his violin, and he doesn't tell her first.

_Even though she deserved it._

When he gets discharged, he knew it was probably the happiest moment of his life. A time to celebrate. He never really thought that anyone would suffering at that moment; crying; knowing they could die at _any_ second.

_That's just being selfish._

He's shit scared to even think about talking to her. Not after those things he said. Not after what she told him. But he realizes that there's no choice, really, in the end. She's not even the first person he sees; and that's not something she should get out of it.

_Not after what she's done._

They reunite; but it's not even fair; she makes it too easy for him. Even then; he can't devote to her the time she deserves because most of it is already being given to someone else. They've barely talked. He visits her (only when she was sick and skipped school).

The next he knows; she's _dead_. Her body's there; but _she_ isn't there. Then, he learns so much shit; some things he wasn't supposed to know. Meant to know. And he realizes; it wasn't the stone. It wasn't the monster. It wasn't her damned, uncaring sister.

_**He**__ set her death in stone._

He never made up for it. And still hasn't yet; when she's finally 'awake'. He wants to cling to her, hold by the arm and make her stay inside, where she won't get hurt. Where the monsters; the ones that scared her in their childhood, won't hurt her anymore.

_It's enough when I say so._

**God, you've done enough. Please, for my sake, stop.**

_I can't._

XXXXXX

I should have known.

I'm still inhuman.

It's in the middle of class. I skip during lunch; trying to find my way through the city. My body doesn't move like it used to; untrained, unfocused. How long have I been out of this world? I don't know. I force my body; my tense muscles to move faster. I haven't fought in such a long - -

"Rin!" I nearly trip at the sound of his voice.

He's here. He _knows_. He knows, he knows, he knows- -

_Everything._

I'm scared. Not for myself. It makes him a target now. Everything I've done just to heal him can suddenly go crashing down. He can _see_. He doesn't need see me fight. He doesn't need to get in the middle- -I don't want to fail _him_.

"Wait up!" I hear Mikuo-no- -

Stone- -faster- -I stumble; crashing into other people, just as my uniform disappears- -and I don't realize that my transformation isn't the same as it used to be.

XXXXXX

He holds me.

I don't remember being held like that. I don't remember the last time I was held. At all. It frightens me; and yet, it's comforting. I want cry; bury my head in Mikuo's shoulder and forget the agony.

I don't.

Cry, that is.

It's a little too late. It feels repulsive. Like vinegar; sour and bitter. So I let him hold me. It doesn't feel any more different from where he held me against the bed or when I was forced onto the concrete before I died.

_It's a headlock._

He doesn't know how to communicate strong emotions through words. He showed that when he went ahead and wished for Miku's sake. He can only show me sympathy through this. A way to say 'Hey, you're alive. I'm glad.'

_I'm not._

I get a second chance to live. I'm so lucky.

_Why?_

I should be grateful.

_How could you?!_

Out of the many that died, I lived. I can experience life again.

_I hate it._

XXXXXX

_They got to die 'peacefully'._

_And I stay in this living torment?_

XXXXXX

Piko holds my hand.

I don't want him to touch me.

_Please stay away._

We're at one the views that overlook the city. The sun is dying out over and close my eyes through it. He doesn't notice.

_Can't you see I'm in pain?_

He turns to me; I'm forced to open my eyes (I immediately face away from the city). He smiles serenely at me; accepting and gentle (please, please don't look at me like that). I want to tear my hand away, but I can't.

"Hey Rin, why did you become a mage?"

My eyes widened and my mouth slits open. Please don't ask me. I can't tell you honestly (without crying). But he's nice and he's asking nicely. I feed him lies; I've done it before; why should now be any different?

"I'm an artist. I'd gotten into an accident and suddenly, I couldn't draw. Prophet came to me."

He looks at my hand and smiles in empathy; a far mile different that sympathy. It almost chills me to the bone; those secretive, almost cruel, mismatching eyes of his. "I understand."

"Long ago, my father took me to the mill he worked at. He's not **alive** anymore; he **never** really cared for me," I felt dread pull at me; _run_, "…it wasn't really a place for children to be in. It was dangerous. I had become a cripple for the rest of my days afterwards, but that's when I met Prophet, too."

_He's just like Len. Except…_

_He had the potent to be a mage; and he took it. _

It becomes silent between; gloomy and the sky is almost starry. I made a promise; now broken; to Luka I wouldn't be home late.

"Rin. Do you know what it's called when a Remnant connects to a stone and cleanses it?"

"No, what?"

"It's called- -."

XXXXXX

_Why did you tell me?!_

XXXXXX

It's all over school.

Miku broke up with Len.

My heart- -it jumps. I'm so hopeful I can't contain it. But, then I realize- -

_She_ broke up with _him_.

XXXXXX

It's black.

Just like ink; it 'smears' unto my skin and fades out. I didn't have a weapon before- -

_This isn't my usual transformation._

Why is it all black?

_IS THAT SOME TYPE OF METAPHOR?! HUH?_

_To show what a terrible, inhuman creature I am? Black as the shame I carry for failing the first time? For what a pathetic life I lead? Is that what is?! I already look dead? Why do I look as if I'm ready for the grave?!_

"It's nothing special." I know that voice; the deceit it holds.

"WHY?!"

Prophet appears as moving flashes behind me as I skirt around the monster, unstable. "If you've conquered Death; it's only natural that your power should increase. Your scent, now; will only bring more monsters."

I look at the thing in my hands; it's not sharp; nothing more than useless club shaped like a- -

"Music note…" I trail off; nearly stumbling as the monster swung itself at me.

Prophet; if possible; smiles delightedly at me. It whispers, almost hissing it, "Scythe."

It uncurls; becoming massive, no gleam to it. Prophet whispers again, "Staff." It weaves itself into a staff, long and harsh in my fingers.

The monster comes closer; but I can't move- -my powers, they've- -

"Wings."

It snakes around my arms; and forces itself onto my shoulder blades and I hear a dizzying split and my weak yelp; cushioned my regeneration.

There is no time limit. And it has a _mind_ of its own.

"By far, you have the most interesting power as well as useful." Prophet purrs as I slink to the ground; crying because it hurts.

"Rin!"

_GO AWAY!_

Len pulls me away and Mikuo dives forward; immediately converting. I know I'm healing; regenerating. It's not supposed to hurt anymore; but it still does. It makes me sob; a dull, dull, aching feeling in my chest.

_I didn't ask for this._

XXXXXX

Prophet approaches Len; who holds Rin away from the scene. She looks fatigued- -There's blood seeping down her back, from around those wretched black things attached to her pale skin-but there aren't any scars or wounds.

She's unconscious, yet crying in her sleep; soft hiccups between small sniffs. He didn't ask to see her like this-for her to go through something like this. No… Had this been her situation every time?

"No," Prophet answers him. The being turned towards Rin-no, the things on her back and whispered softly, almost in delight, "Reform." It makes a squealing, squirming sound before ripping away from her blades and causing a weak moan from her. Blood seeps from the quickly healing wound as the black blobs mold into each other; becoming the shape of a music note.

He looks at it in horror, "I knew she'd have regeneration…"

"Yes. However, this is a new development. Before her death and resurrection, her powers stemmed from her creativity. Why don't you ask the teal one? No?" Prophet looks at him idly, "Not on good terms, hmm? Ah well, it still does. Except, it has taken a new form." It looks her over, "Her regalia did not always look like that. The result of 'conquering' Death. Right now, she has become much more powerful; just a little untrained."

_Unstable._

Len shifted her carefully in his arms; glaring at the feline. "She shouldn't have to fight anymore. She's done enough."

"Oh? Who shall protect the city then?"

"There's Luka. Kaito. And Mikuo. They've done it before and they can do it again."

Prophet only smiles at him. "You've become cynical. Put yourself in…," It trails off, eyes becoming narrow and malicious before settling in their usual look, "…your lady's shoes." Miku.

"The teal one saved her from imminent death. Yet, she holds him in concern. She would want him to stop fighting as well, yes?"

Len looks away.

"But, most importantly, you are dishonoring the contract the yellow one has made with me."

"After all, the wish does outweigh the mage and fighting itself."

XXXXXX

"_It's called a 'Kiss', Rin."_

_I can't think right. Why did you tell me this?_

XXXXXX

I never really thought of it.

But, in the realm of every monster; its memories and emotions affect the outlay of it. The construction of it. Say the monster; before it died; was in love with a ballet dancer. In its realm would be a stage and sets; spotlights overhead; a whole stadium dedicated to it. It'd be eerie, broken, and surreal.

And in some ways; it's beautiful; in the tragic kind of way.

It's another world' insight into them. Guessing their story is always the fun part. Were they amazing at what they did? What did they wish for? Did they have a tragic life?

_I didn't really realize I was desperate. Looking for something to compare to; to look forward. Who had the saddest story of all?_

Even though they had such scary realms; ones I once had nightmares of, they're beautiful in their own twisted way. They may scare other mages; but now…they do nothing but enchant me.

_I __**knew**__ there was beauty in death._

Would mine be just as spectacular if not more wonderful?

I don't know. I could only- -

That's not something that should be thought of.

_Is it?_

XXXXXX

"I can turn you into one of them."

"You…contracted Mikuo?"

"Yes. Now, I understand that you've reached an unstable state of mind; so I'd like for you to think on this for a little while. If it's any comfort."

"N-No! Don't go-I mean… It's just that… I've lost Mikuo long ago…and Len…I just speeded up the process."

"I see. But, I can smell your scent…You've done something forbidden, haven't you?"

"…"

"If you wished; what would you even wish for? Being a mage is no easy task. You're blessed with many things, teal one. You're well-liked; pretty; healthy **and** _alive_; and talented."

"I want to be stronger. To be better than I used to be. I don't want to weigh anyone down."

"Mikuo…Shion-san, Megurine-san, and Piko, they're all mages. Stronger and with more reason than me. Even Rin… Len, at least he can _see_ and he's a prodigy. …I just don't want to be left behind."

"Understandable."

"Let me do it now, please!"

XXXXXX

I find her in a fight with a monster.

Len's been so depressed. Even though I'm happy, I ignore it, knowing that my happiness is nothing compared to his.

I felt it the moment Len told me over the phone. There's a new one in town. The Others; Luka told me, whoever they are; are still recovering. I knew somewhere, along the lines of his ancestry, Mikuo's family have the structure to be mages.

_Hatsune Miku; the most popular and prettiest girl in my grade with the talent of singing._

She doesn't hold up well. Her moves are sloppy even though her attacks are good. She's fighting the lowest level monster and faltering. Maybe it's because she's new; I don't know. She's no veteran. Fighting doesn't do well unless you're in a partnership; something I never needed.

Miku gets shoved back hard; into the alleyway's wall.

Then I see it.

_No regeneration._

"Miku!" I scream, my stone resonating as I transform.

_Len would have never wanted this. How could you?!_

I pull her away from the battle. Her eyes roll. Her spine isn't broken; but her head is bleeding; matting her hair into uneven clumps. "Wake up! Miku, keep your eyes open; don't fall asleep!" In her weakened state; she converts back into her regular self; and I tear off a piece of her sleeve to staunch the blood.

The monster sees us. I can't let it affect her. I rush forward; _scythe_. It disappears after my blows and parries in mere seconds. Miku groans behind me as I hold the Remnant.

When I turn to her; her head is downcast; blood dripping over her bangs. "Why did you…" Her stone sits beside her; a little gloomy.

I drain the Remnant on her halfway and use the rest on myself. "You became unconscious during the fight when I found you here. You weren't at your home, so I tried elsewhere."

She ignores me and her head whips toward; her eyes especially hard. "Why did you jump in? I don't need help!" She rips her stone from my hand.

"Why are you acting like this? As a beginner mage; you should at least have supervision from a veteran!"

She stands up and grips her skirt tightly. I don't see her expression. "…why? Why can't I…This is the fifth time- -my blood is stronger, and yet you…! Why is it that nothing will make up for what faults I have?!"

"Miku- -."

"…fight me."

"What?"

She transforms; her coattails flying behind her. She's pale from the lack of blood; and her eyes are set on me. "Fight me."

I stand up, facing her taller height. "You're injured; if you did hurt me; I'd heal immediately."

"Are you calling me weak?" Her weapon; a microphone melded to a stand; pushes me backwards. "I wished to be stronger. And I am. Now."

"Miku-."

"Don't say my name. You can't be that hard to beat; not that powerful. Are you backing out, huh?"

"Miku, stop it! I don't know what's going on, I just wanted ask about Len- -."

She kicks me into a wall. "I won't say you can have him. He was never mine to begin with."

I sputter. How can she even… "He's in _love_ with you. You said it yourself; he chose you over me! Miku, what was the point of breaking up with him if you're going to be like this and he's going to be depressed?!"

"Shut up!" She forces herself against me, intent on hurting me. "What do you know? You've been asleep for God knows long! You're not even that powerful! If you were, you wouldn't have let our city go to ruin!"

_DON'T LOOK AT ME!_

_I wasn't able to kill the monster. The Witch. The thing that's been wreaking havoc for centuries on Earth…_

_I failed._

"SHUT UP!" I scream, before shoving her off me, letting her watch my weapon become longer and sharper.

We clash against each other; my spear slamming against her defense. She struggles as I go faster; suddenly becoming a blur in her eyes. Miku gasps and stumbles, but picks herself up immediately. I swing my weapon; suddenly a scythe (_why don't I remember thinking this?_) in my hand and shove her down with the handle.

_I vaguely remember a voice in my head; whispering to me…_

**Do it.**

I grind her hair under my boot; locking her down on the ground. Fear and disbelief cloud her eyes.

_KILL HER!_

I raise my scythe high above my head. What am I doing?

_WHAT AM I DOING?!_

**I don't know.**

I drop my weapon. I start crying. That wasn't me; that wasn't me; I swear it wasn't- -

_I could have killed her. Slaughtered the thing Len cares for the __**most**__. I almost hurt someone._

I step away as my gear disappears. Miku still lies on the ground; shell shocked and shaking in _fear_. She's scared of me. Frightened; terrified. She almost died today. Almost ended up where I did. I never meant to… I'm so sorry- -

_I'm so scared of myself._

"I'm so sorry-Please- I'm so sorry- -."

"Rin? Miku?!" Mikuo calls out after us, but I'm already running.

_What have I become?_

**The wretched creature that I've always said I was.**

XXXXXX

My home. My bed.

I curl in a ball in the covers; choking on the scent. He's gone. I'm still here.

It smells just like him.

XXXXXX

"Did you finish that drawing?" Her bubble snaps. Cue incessant chewing. _It better be._

"Yes." A rustling of papers. She takes it.

"This is really good. Can you buy me a drink?" _Do it. Now._

"What kind?"

"Not too sugary or flavorless." _Nothing fattening or disgusting._

"Okay."

I approach the vending machine during lunch. Nobody's there; and I exchange money for a can of lemonade.

_Why am I doing this?_

Mikuo appears beside me; not too happy with what I'm doing. It's been a week since my new class has taken me in; and he's noticed that I have no one I know (who's considerate and nice) in that class.

He leans against the machine, general concern in his voice. "Rin…What have you become?"

_I don't know._

"You were much livelier before. Even when you became a mage."

I lean my head against the machine, feeling her eyes on me. She's watching us. "…I don't know."

"You do."

I look at the vending machine's choices; sliding my fingers down the glass; watching it make marks around a water bottle. "It's like this. I feel tasteless, like the water in that bottle. Like how water changes with every background it's in."

Mikuo looks at me critically. "Water is vital. Every organism can't live without it. It's powerful; solidifying, becoming part of the air, and becoming a liquid. Animals need it. Humans need it. Mages, too. I need it."

He pats me on the head; and I recoil from his hand. He doesn't seem to notice. "Come to my house after school. We'll talk."

I walk back to my classroom when he disappears.

"Is that Hatsune Mikuo?" _Is he likable?_

"Yes."

"I heard he might be bad news." _Stay away from him._

"Oh."

XXXXXX

_Water…_

_Is also unpredictable._

XXXXXX

"Mom and Dad are staying for only four days. Then, they have another meeting and won't be back until, maybe, like, five months from then." Lily tells me as she rushes around the house, trying to fix it up. "They'll be arriving around midnight, so the dinner isn't until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow counts as the second day?"

"Yes. Help me clean up."

Lily isn't good with emotions. Or apologizing. But, I guess letting me help her or even doing something remotely synonymous to 'together', is her way of saying 'Welcome Back.'

When we're done cleaning; I retire to my own room. I haven't been here in a long time; and yet it feels like yesterday. It's been tidied up a little. The tissue box that rolled? It's a shelf with my hardly touched books. The sheets practically have dust on them. That present I had gotten?

It's stuck in the closet.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Being back in a house that's inhabitants never really cared for me. Being back in such a lonely place. The room I remember being in last before I died. Where the memories of hope and love mixed together had invaded for the last time.

_I don't want to be here._

It's probably eight, right now.

_I don't understand._

I wonder how Luka is doing. Is she lonely without me?

_I'm lonely._

Would she be sad without my company?

_I'm sad._

I'm here. In a place where nobody has bothered to listen to me. To hold me. Why am I even trying?

_Where the hell have you been?_

XXXXXX

He doesn't really like Piko at all. Just barely now, he hears her whisper something about him. First Mikuo, then him. And now it's vice versa.

He doesn't have the time for her. And she doesn't have any left for him.

It's after the fight and they're in Mikuo's home; Rin mutters incoherently in her sleep; but he catches a few parts in her mutters. Some are frightened, little whimpers. They worry him. Others babble incessantly; and they allow a relaxed, almost humored expression for Len. Sometimes she murmurs about words that don't seem to make sense to anyone but her; a conversation within herself.

This is probably the second time he's finally alone with her. The first was when he was waiting for her to wake up. As in, probably rise up and yawn a little. Not the _other_ kind. And when she does; he doesn't even have the courtesy to be awake then. It makes him feel resentful; towards himself. And when she's hurt, sick, and hacking up in the bathroom; it's Luka who comes to her rescue.

It's no longer him who gets to save her; like he did when they were little. But, now it was her; who was playing 'hero'. She saved him from his condemning; allowing his tragedy as hers. Now, she lives on it.

He's already done his part. He's not needed anymore. She's awake; that's enough. She doesn't really need you anymore. Considering how things are now. She's part of a world you'll never belong to.

_And that was his fault._

"I want _you_ to need _me_."

_You can't hear me. Or see me at this moment, because you're asleep. Not for good, but, you're just tired. I'm sorry. Every single thing. I'll make it up to you. For being a jerk. Not really understanding and failing to see your pain. You're my best friend. I should have known._

As a goodbye, he presses his lips firmly to her forehead.

He doesn't realize she wakes up as he leaves the room.

XXXXXX

_Len has always been and __**will always be**__ my world._

_And that will never, ever change._

_Len._

_Do you know what you even do to me?_

_Just…God…_

XXXXXX

It's like everything's crashing down on me at once.

My hand grazes my forehead. It's hot in the room; even though I'm under a thin blanket and it's so dark out the window.

Then, I do a reality check.

God, _Rin_, you're breathing hard. You're probably red.

_If anything; this is self-pain. It's unhealthy. You know better than this. Are you really that __**stupid**__? _

_**It's so pathetic.**_

I take my hand away from my head and stare at the creases on the blanket covering my lap. I clench in my fingers; making more wrinkles. Mikuo walks through the door as soon as I hear Len going down the apartment stairs.

"You're awake. That's good, considering you fainted during battle."

"Did Len know…?"

"Know what?"

"My wish?"

"Yeah." His sentences become more and more choppy. Mikuo turns his head away from me.

"Then does he…?!"

"No. He never got the indication." He looks at me sympathetically.

It stays silent for a long while. I should have known. What was I expecting? Huh?

_Why am I so stupid?_

I don't even realize I'm crying. I shouldn't be. It's a good thing he didn't know; my reason for everything. The extra mile I decided to go. I guess **this** 'friendship' was plenty and really special, because _honestly, __**nothing **__else was 'enough' for 'it'!_

"How could I have thought that in the end…I-It would be happy?!" I sob, bringing my knees in.

_Of course. It was __**only**__ friendship that made him see it. Not a __**thing**__ else!_

"But, it wasn't just a _thing_…" I whisper.

Mikuo settles on the bed beside me as I weep; lying awkwardly next to me. He hugs me uncomfortably, because he's not good with this. He might be able to give physically; but could never replace what I could have asked for.

"What was it like when I was dead?"

He stares at me for long while before staring elsewhere. His grip tightens on me; as though coming to a tough decision. "Gloomy. Len often visited you. He found out he could see through Prophet. A lot of things happened. He wanted to find the Remnant. For you."

"It was almost as if he seemed to have been in…Never mind, Rin."

"Never mind what? Tell me."

"No. You can stay here the night; but I'm not taking the couch again." He turned over on his side; ending our conversation and pulling the blanket over himself.

But, even if he didn't say it; I still heard it.

_Love_

"Mikuo?"

A muffled voice under the covers, "What?"

"I heard there was beauty in Death…"

_But, was there love in Death?_

If so, I don't wanna be alive.

XXXXXX

_If I had to die, mage or not, there is a certain way._

_It used to be 'noble and honorable'; for the sake of someone._

_But, now, I don't care how it is._

_So long as it's __**beautiful, in the tragic kind of way**__._

_A voice in my head tells me that it's the right way._

_So…why don't you tell me? Now that I've told you mine?_

_How- -_

XXXXXX

I walk around the school courtyard with Piko; because he asked me to.

I don't want to, but he's nice and harmless. I won't die so easily, just taking a walk. It's quiet and there's no one around us to see. I can see his hand twitching; so I take it for him, knowing he wants to hold mine. He flashes me a smile.

_I don't get it._

I'm not stupid. Neither is the others; save for Len and Miku. He likes me. But…

_As much as I crave for something to save me from being alone; I don't understand how to take steps away from that cliff above the abyss; the solitude. I don't understand how anyone could save me from this._

Piko isn't the one I want. The one I want to be with. Hold hands like this and go on dates. Having special moments and sharing stories and words. Talking to each other with comfort. Kissing and hugging, snuggling. Sharing our warmth, our bodies, and our _souls_. Touching and only ever getting closer.

It's all in my head and I can't stop the feeling.

But, I don't really have a soul. I'm just a shell of what I used to be. I can't have what Miku and Len _had_. Or what Luka probably has with Kaito. I can't have what Piko asks of me.

I can't give it to him.

_I can't give it to Len._

Because, in the end, were my feelings really true? They were there the whole time, weren't they? Even if I don't really have a soul; do I even have the right to still love?

_Inhumane._

XXXXXX

"Rin, I was thinking…"

"…?"

Piko clears his voice and looks at me directly. "I wanna take you out again next Saturday. You know; as a real date- -for dinner." His grip on my hand tightens to what seems to be determination.

"Okay." I trail off; as more students come in; I'm searching for _him_ already, looking this way and that. I don't really listen to Piko.

The bell rings and the crowd comes rushing through the courtyard; separating us.

XXXXXX

Len isn't really over his breakup with Miku, who sits in a corner in the classroom, gloomy. Mikuo's mad, furious. He doesn't talk to anyone at all; and when he does, it's biting and cruel comments. I stay away from him. Prophet broke the deal.

Mikuo's mad at Prophet and Miku together; glaring at her in sadness and anger every other chance he gets. She doesn't have regeneration. She's not a well to do fighter. She's dishonoring Mikuo's contract; the one made for her benefit; for her to heal and stay that way.

I stay near the stairs, not eating my lunch. Our period is about to end; but I'm suddenly approached by someone.

XXXXXX

It takes him a while to get it through his head.

They've broken up. Her words don't make sense to him; too vague. Even though they should have. He feels sour, bitter.

_And yet, so relieved._

He doesn't know what to feel. He's in the body of a teen with the brain of someone far older. He wasn't a genius on feelings; because he's never really had experiences like this. Is this how he's supposed to feel?

Because the only thing that's registering to him is shock, hours after her phone call. And then he picks it up again; because at least Rin can be the first to know this.

XXXXXX

They're here.

My mother has always been the careless one; but I don't take after her personality; just her looks. She's always tuned into the finer things in life and has really taken much into consideration. My father; whom Lily looks like; has the serious personality I exert most of the time. The difference between us, however, is our focus point of strictness.

_He cares only about materialistic things._

Our family is a broken one. Len knows this; because his is too. My parents and Lily may not see it like that, but I do. My parents don't have a real 'relationship'- -you can't even call it that. You get the feel; when you first look at them; that they hooked up out of convenience. Lily doesn't care; so long as she gets her allowance and praise.

In this family, I'm the extra.

_That's not the case when I'm out there. Life on the line; weapon in the front. _

"Rin, eat. I don't want you hungry later." My mother says, pointing her chopsticks at me. I nod dully; because she doesn't really care. It's happened before.

I stab at the helping of meat. It slides away from my utensils.

We're in the midst of having 'the dinner'. It's always like this. Lily is always chatting away while I stay quiet. As I chew slowly; I look at my parents.

My mother chatters about the recent trip while my father discusses politics and Lily listens and nods like she hadn't been clubbing the other day or drinking for three straight months. And I sit here as though I've been in this house the whole time, safe and happy.

_Have we always been this…fake?_

I grip harshly at my chopsticks. I don't know why…I even chased after these people to begin with. I never had anyone before I met Len. And these were the people I chased after and clung to. The people who I once wanted to be like when I grew up.

_Lily-nii chan, you were always so pretty and fun. Daddy, you had always been the hero of the day; doing amazing things and Mama was my idol; who I aspired to be, perfect and happy._

They aren't that all.

"Rin, don't play with your food. You know better." My father tells me, pausing in the middle of his speech.

I pick up the bit of meat I squashed and swallowed it. It was dull and tasteless; and fell hard to the pit of my stomach after feeling like a rock in my throat.

_Where were you…_

My mother stops chattering to look at me like the doting mother she 'is'. "Rin. I haven't heard you speak all day since this morning before you left for school. How are you doing lately?"

…_When I needed you?_

"School is fine. I'm fine."

_Why…_

"That's good, that's good. So, how is Len? I haven't seen him in a long time."

…_are you asking these questions?_

_Do you even have the right…?_

"Now, now, Akane, don't you remember? Len's in the hospital because of that accident." My father says, reminding her gently.

"Oh! I remember now! The poor dear; having _no_ hope _left_. He's still recuperating!"

"No, Len got out the hospital. Apparently, he made a full recovery!" Lily chatters on and on about it.

_Do you know what I sacrificed for that…?_

"Now, Rin, why didn't you tell us this? You need to speak up more. Sometimes I worry for you."

_**What right do you even have to say things like that?!**_

"Worry?" I say dully, looking her straight in the eye. It goes silent in the room for a beat, when I break the next second of stillness. "Speak?"

The chopsticks in my hand tremble from my grip and Lily shoots a warning glare at me. "Rin!"

"I'm speaking now aren't I? If you wanted me tell you something, why don't you _call_ more often? If you want me to speak; then _say_ something." My voice begins to rise with every syllable, "What do exactly do you want to hear? About someone who's _not_ your child? Len got out of the hospital several months ago and I visited him every day. Would you rather _hear_ that over me ending up dead?"

I stand up from the table. My father does to. "You'll control yourself, Rin. You have no right to talk like that to your parents."

"Biologically!" I yell. "My body may have been made by you and her, but my soul has _never_ been yours to begin with! Do _I_ even get to call you parents anymore? What right do _I_ have? What right do you have to claim me as your child? Where have you and mom been when the disaster hit Japan; when I could _have_ died?! Lily doesn't count because she's off clubbing!"

_Why don't you care?!_

My father slaps me. "Go to your room. I'm not dealing with whatever drama you have right now. Think carefully about your words next time."

I go upstairs.

I find my phone and call Mikuo.

"_Hello?"_

"I wanna go kill monsters. I'm stuck in my room and I'll sneak out of the house if you pick me up with your headlights off."

"…_sure."_

They won't notice me gone for the night, because it's happened before. They don't really care. Only when they can start their own _drama_ out of it.

XXXXXX

"I thought you didn't do partners."

I climb into the passenger seat. "I don't want to be alone tonight. I'm most likely grounded for the rest of the week."

"What'd you do?" Mikuo looks at me as he starts the engine up.

"I got started at their questions. I don't really want to talk about it." I lean my head against the window.

He shrugs. "Let's see if our stones get triggered in the city. It probably won't be long."

XXXXXX

"What's going on with Rin?"

It's before Miku becomes a mage and Mikuo talks to Prophet. Rin's in the room, sleeping, Len watching over her grimly, as if she was already dead.

Prophet purrs and looks at him steadily, "Just…a few developments."

Mikuo scrunches his brow in frustration. "Developments?"

The feline sighs contentedly. "I mentioned it vaguely to the other boy. She's become stronger; having conquered 'Death'. At the moment, she's unstable, but it shall past."

"What do you mean 'unstable'?"

Prophet takes on a mock dreamy look and purrs once more. "Did you know that there was love in death?"

"If so, love is probably the most dangerous thing on earth. It takes many forms and spawns other feelings. Speaking of forms; it may allow for manifestation. Specifically in where it has been born."

XXXXXX

"Rin? Are you up there?"

It's Len and I jump, because he's looking for me. He's the one who found me on the stairs. I'm hesitant to answer him. We haven't talked for a long time. Not appropriately anyways. But, I do I tell him I'm here anyways, because, in the end, all I want is for him to find me.

"Hey," He says weakly. He's been tired lately and it shows under his eyes.

I pull my legs up to my chin and make room for him to sit next to me. Like we did back in the old days. We'd take to the stairs, either conversing happily or sharing comfortable silence. But, now it was only the awkward kind; we haven't spoken in such a long time that it's almost as if we're strangers to one another. I've been asleep; he had a life, and in between was just waiting and wishing.

_It's so bitter_.

"…I never thanked you."

I draw my body together more tightly, my knuckles turning white with my grip. I don't him to bring it up. I've cried enough; please don't make me do it anymore.

"…it's okay."

"It isn't. We both know that."

"It's fine, really…just…please don't bring it up."

"How can I not?"

"Just say it and go. That's all."

"That's not fair. To you or me. When you 'left', you never said anything."

"I never 'left'. I was always there." My sentences become choppy, and he knows I'm becoming withdrawn. His voice rises to reach me.

"Stop it, don't back out, Rin. There was Mikuo."

"And then there was Miku, like God said, if he even exists; 'and then there was Light'." Something like that.

"Don't bring her in this."

"Likewise, don't bring Mikuo in this."

He pulls at his bangs; he's becoming frustrated. But, then, he looks at me with pleading eyes and with a gentle voice; it's so painful, I can't stand it. Len pulls my arms away from legs and moves me closer to him; forcing me to look at me.

"Why don't you want to talk about it?"

"…I just don't…it happened, I died, and I came back. I think about it over and over again…and it just hurts the more I remember."

Len looks at me steadily, as though searching for hidden meanings. He gently tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. Everything he does is another sprinkle of salt on a wound. It's just like that moment at the railroad; those thin, long fingers, me being his one and only, and a replay of tragic Cinderella.

"Don't cry," He's near and here, I can feel his body; the warmth of his hand against my face, and him coming closer and closer. I shouldn't cry, because he's the one who's hurting. I'm so selfish, but I can't help it.

_Would you forgive this terrible creature, Len?_

Our legs cross over each other and tears blind my sight from identifying whose school plaid it is. I'm lost on scent; sandalwood and smoke, mixed with the heavy smell of remorse.

I hiccup slightly, not really hearing the bell that rings for the end of lunch. I'm not really on his lap, but still, I try to move away from him. He won't let me.

"…I haven't been a good friend lately."

"N-no."

"Let's do something Saturday, alright? I'll come over and we'll do whatever you want."

XXXXXX

Yuuma, Ring, and Defoko.

"They're good enough, aren't they, Kiyo?"

"Sure."

XXXXXX

There's another day, and Mikuo takes me out so we can patrol the city for monsters. It's early in the morning, and he doesn't see a thing off.

It's Monday, and we're skipping school

I don't let him touch any of the monsters, letting him watch me as I hack one after another, letting the blood splash at me messily, allowing myself to be thrown down, ripped up, and cut in every way possible.

I'm crying, sobbing and screaming with each hit I make, letting the solid sound fall deaf to me. I don't see Mikuo's horrified expression as I batter the already dead and disappearing monster repeatedly.

Blood, sweat, and tears don't matter; all they do is mix and become disgusting and bitter. If I hit the monster like this over and over again, I won't feel any pain will I? Why does it hurt so much?

If I do it like this, over and over again, I won't feel anything!

"_WHY DID YOU WAKE ME UP?!"_

I sob loudly when I crumple to the ground. There was no love. There was no emotion. There was nothing. He didn't care. He never did. What the hell was I thinking when I let him in, let him watch me?

"Why am I alive?!" I scream. In a hoarser, quieter voice, "What am I even living for?"

Nothing. That's what everything meant. I was tool in the end. I allowed myself to be like that. Do you know what it feels like when everything you had a reason for suddenly didn't make sense? Do you know what it feels like everything you worked for, gave your heart to, was suddenly torn down in an instant, your morals ripped and shredded, your dignity and pride stepped on; to be slapped in the face by your illusions?

_I just wanna die._

XXXXXX

I rush around my room, trying to get ready. I'm supposed to meet Piko in about an hour at a restaurant, but I haven't started getting ready until ten minutes ago. My hair is still wet, and I'm still in my regular shorts and tank top. My parents are downstairs with Lily, going out for dinner, since apparently I was still somewhat 'grounded'. It doesn't really apply anymore.

As to what kind of restaurant Piko's taking me to, I don't know. My only indication was that it was probably somewhere classy.

I've never been on a date like this. Not special enough to be taken anywhere.

I pop into the bathroom, and blow dry my hair quickly, but not styling it, because I'm so lost already. Lily is the one who showers herself with clothing and make up and whatever it is that makes her feminine. I lack those qualities; it's probably why I haven't gotten a boyfriend in the past years of my life.

Just as I search through my clothing in the drawer, searching for something presentable, there comes a knock at my door.

XXXXXX

He remembers the pain he felt, the emotions he felt when brought down an end to the Witch and finished it off.

He was angry. Furious, blinded with rage. Rin was somewhere; in a haven with Luka, lying dead and cold. It was their fault; his fault. They didn't tell her that she could die. He was her partner to begin with. He should've watched over her; should've been there to help her kill it.

_What are partners for?_

But, now, he wished he could have left her dead. Because he could see it; she's not there anymore. The tears she had. The pain in her face. She wasn't seeing anything. When they found that Remnant, they had done nothing but found another death sentence.

XXXXXX

He slowly poked his head through the door, looking for her.

She sat on the ground, rummaging through drawers, looking for something. He swallows at the sight of her, slightly; and watches as strands of hair slide from their place on the side of her neck and fall to the bare expanse between her shoulders.

"Rin?"

Rin turns around, a little wobbly with wide eyes. It almost makes him laugh. "L-len?!" Almost as if she wasn't expecting him.

"What are you doing here?!" She doesn't sound mad; only confused. But, it makes him confused too.

"Your parents let me in…I thought you knew I was coming over today?" He says slowly, trying to put it in her mind. He hopes that she remembers; and doesn't become awkward about it.

Her blue eyes widen in surprise and disappointment and she bites her bottom lip. He watches her steadily, searching for more. "I'm so sorry, Len. I forgot all about it."

She stands up and runs a hand messily through her hair with a distressed hand on her hip. "I already promised a date with Piko today at some restaurant…"

Piko?

Len takes a seat in one of her chairs. "…Are you already dating him?"

"Only a few dates, but that's it. We're not in a relationship." She runs into her closet, still finding her solution. "God, I'm so sorry, Len. Is it okay if you come over another day?"

A few dates?

How come he never heard about this? Luka probably did, considering they live together now. How come he wasn't the first to know?

"I'll make it up to you, I swear."

What does she mean, make it up to him? Today was supposed to be him making it up to her, after everything she done. And finally he has time to devote and focus on her; a taste of liberty he'd finally gotten.

_I wanna spoil you_.

"It's…fine, Rin…Don't worry about it."

Had their friendship finally got dragged into the gutter? First his relationship with Miku, her duties as a mage, Mikuo, dying- -

_Are you replacing me?_

Len watches her now. She's in that wonderful, ethereal dress he got her as a present with Miku. He remembered being the one to choose it, because he couldn't really imagine her in anything else. He was too embarrassed to say that he chose it. The back isn't hooked because she can't reach it and she's too busy shuffling small bottles of perfume around to focus on. He can see her pale skin showing, unmarred and innocent, but they both know that's not the case.

_How many times have you've been hurt there?_

He gently grips at the arms of his chair while watching her. The idea of her wearing that thing to something that doesn't include him makes him rigid; almost disgusted, but she doesn't realize that. He can see goose bumps rising on her skin and knows she's cold or nervous.

He stands up and gently holds her arms, letting her feel his body heat. She jumps slightly. "Len? What is it?"

That hand, hers, gently grazes his face, and he knows that she feels guilty that she couldn't do anything with him today. "Are you upset?"

_Don't look at me like that._

Soft eyes, comforting. "Don't go." He presses his face against the side of her neck, leaning against her. He can barely feel the shivers he gives her; feels the impulse to grip her harder. Her shoulders are frail; wrists are tiny and bony. She's so fragile.

"…"

"Please don't."

XXXXXX

"_Hello? Rin?"_

"_H-hi, Piko…"_

"_What is it?"_

"_I'm so sorry, Piko… I can't go to the date tonight…Something came up…"_

"…_oh, I see…It's…okay. Maybe next time?"_

"_Yeah, sure. I wish I could come…"_

_BEEP._

She leaned against the bed, sitting on it and yet, not really. Arms wrapped around her waist from behind, tugging her further towards the bed. The phone dropped from her hand and made little sound as it collided with carpet.

The body behind her breathed deeply and sighed.

She doesn't let her thoughts get in the way.

XXXXXX

When I wake up, I'm all alone.

I start crying.

XXXXXX

_I gave him my heart._

_I let him do something that's been rarely done._

_He hates me. Because I was dirty. He wasn't my first. I'm so disgusting. Maybe he has every right to leave my bed in the morning. _

_I won't blame him. Even though, I know it's something I wouldn't have…_

_Done._

_If he doesn't feel affected, why should I be? I mean, it's done and over with, it's been done before. It isn't a big deal; we're just friends who've fucked. I don't have to worry. It's not like we had anything between us, right? No strings attached, that's it, right? I don't need to cry. I don't want to cry._

_Don't cry._

_D-don't- -_

XXXXXX

_WHY?!_

XXXXXX

I walk to school. I'm nothing more than a ghost.

My feet dragged. My heart ached. My mind was a jumbled mess. I walk beside Mikuo, half dead, since he let me stay over at his place yesterday. He worries over me, because he doesn't know anything. But, it doesn't matter, because it was nothing to begin with. Maybe I hurt him when I was screaming yesterday. I don't know.

We arrive to school on time. We barely get in class. I barely listen to the teacher. I barely know what I'm doing at all. Outside, it starts raining. Water flecks the window and I look at it the whole class period. It dribbles down and gathers at the end of the window sill before pouring down.

_What am I living for?_

**Nothing**.

_Why am I alive?_

**For nothing.**

_What am I?_

**Nothing**.

**Who am I?**

_Nothing._

"Rin, get me some water." She approaches during lunch with a snappy voice. "You weren't here yesterday, so you have to make it up to me. We missed you, you know." The pink haired girl behind her, Iroha, the only one whose name I bothered to remember; looked at me in worry.

I stand up from my desk abruptly, making my chair screech and startling other students and catching the teacher's attention.

"What are you doing?" The girl screeches and Iroha tries to calm her down while the other looks at me in amusement.

I ignore her as I walk out of the classroom.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere. I don't want anyone to touch me. I don't want to be near anyone. What I do is no longer anyone's business.

_I want to die._

XXXXXX

_I haven't realized that my stone is so dark._

XXXXXX

He sees her saunter down to the courtyard.

He hasn't seen her since early Sunday morning, when he left a few hours after midnight. He can't describe what happened between them; all he knows is that he wants to be near her. He leaves the classroom, sneaking away without notice. But, some see.

Luka gazes at the window while Kaito fiddles with a strand of her hair. Miku can see it; her breath fogging up a window with eyes becoming watery. Piko pretends not to notice.

Mikuo is already following.

XXXXXX

"Rin!"

She keeps on walking, as if he's not there. The rain comes down hard, and he knows this type of setting. The things the weather brings. It doesn't stop him though.

He grips onto her arm, making her stop. She doesn't turn around, so he moves about her, facing her. "Rin…hey- -Are…are you okay?" His eyes are bright, mouth almost tilting upwards.

But his expression disappears, because she doesn't look at him, hair covering her eyes. Her arm is limp in his grip and she's just barely hanging onto her cellphone. He pushes her wet hair out of her face and tilts her head up at him.

XXXXXX

He kisses me.

_It tastes like death._

XXXXXX

He pulls away and calls out her name. "Rin?"

Her head slumps forward again. "Why did you follow me?"

"I saw you…"

"Why are you here?"

"Because you are."

"…"

It's silent.

"Let go of me."

She looks at him; her eyes angry and tired, broken and betrayed. He's hit hard, because he's never seen that expression on her before, and it's like she's not really there anymore.

But, he won't give up on her this time. "No."

Her arm twists in his grip, so she tears it away. "…leave me alone."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Why have you done what you did?!" She screeches. She's crying angrily, making her eyes look like broken glass.

He pulls her towards him, engulfing her in an embrace.

She punches him hard, in the face with the hand holding the cell phone.

He rears back in pain, staunching blood with his hand. "Rin- -."

"DON'T SAY MY NAME!"

He hears her sobbing loudly, and he doesn't get it. He knows, that in every way possible, it was his fault.

"…what have I done? That's been so terrible that I had to be punished? Was it because I couldn't save the city? Was it because I woke up?"

"Is it because I couldn't help but want to have been Miku instead? Was it because I became a mage? Was it because I healed you?"

She sobs for the last time.

_It was because someone so inhumane, like me, wasn't allowed to love someone who wasn't. It makes so much sense._

"Rin…"

"…don't come after me. Don't follow me. Don't stop me. Don't do anything. Stay away from me."

She starts backing away.

"Wait, Rin- -."

"I'M SO SICK OF MYSELF…!"

XXXXXX

I run, far away.

I've become so wrong; I can't escape myself. It's there. It's chasing me.

_Don't let 'me' get me!_

**Run.**

I'm not me. This isn't me. I'm not who I used to be. Len's best friend. Lily's younger sister. A Kagami. My school's best artist. The girl who went to the hospital every day. A crazy-in-love teenager who was too naïve.

_What am I?_

Disgusting. Inhumane. Lifeless. Dead. A shell. Unstable. Destroyer. Killer. Filthy.

_Mage._

Powerful. Strong. Potent. Savior. Protector. MiNe.

That's my façade. It's not who I am. Not anymore. What was I thinking when I became a mage? That so long as I get my wish; I'm okay?

_Where had my self-respect gone?_

I've died. I've woken up. And I'm still killing monsters. Letting myself get hurt and waking up from being unconscious. Where had my dignity gone?

_You lost it the moment you fell in love._

XXXXXX

In Luka's home; I'm in my room, alone.

I haven't…told anyone…have I?

I threw up last Sunday morning. I probably ate something bad…

XXXXXX

"It's the afternoon."

"I know."

"It's so…yucky. It's raining and there are puddles everywhere." Meiko scrunched her nose and sidestepped a puddle.

"Ah, but, you know, this is a wonderful setting." Kiyoteru offered a hand to the stumbling woman, taking her arm in arm.

"Why, thank you. But, how so?"

"It's tragic."

XXXXXX

_Hot hands._

_Scraping. Burning. Marking._

_Nails digging. Back arching. Tightening, coiling. Clinging. Grasping._

_I won't forget._

XXXXXX

In the room, Rin watches night fall. The moon winks behind clouds.

It's still raining a little; and she can smell the city smoke out there. She grips the front of my t-shirt with one hand as the other reaches out to be pattered by raindrops. It's been one day. Luka worries over her like she does for her stomach. Her cell phone is dead so she doesn't know how many messages are on there.

The feeling of melancholy washes over her; even though she's not allowed to feel emotions. The stars appear one by one on the clear sky, dancing with every drop of water there is. The city lights dance; she watches them flit and flicker, creating their own glow in the night.

_Out there, someone's happy. And naïve. _

_Probably a child who's unaffected. With a caring family and parents. No one important to them has died. They have a comfortable, safe home. _

Ignorance is bliss. She leans against the window, thinking it'd be nice to end everything. Her stone flickers pathetically on her bed, being affected by clouds of darkness within it. She closes her eyes and forgets about the pain for a moment, gently pokes her stomach and knows she'll have to get rid of it soon. Her outstretched hand stays like that in the rain, forming a puddle in the middle.

The water breaks through her fingers as her eyes cracks open and she sees red.

_Water is also unpredictable._

XXXXXX

"We're here for revenge."

XXXXXX

Luka is on the phone, small talking with Kaito when she hears the large crash upstairs. Her home was finally fixed and she wasn't interested in another injury.

"_Luka? What was that?"_

"I don't know. I'm going to go check it out."

"_I'll be there. Don't do anything without me."_ Before she can protest, he hangs up.

"Rin? Are you okay?" Luka shouts from downstairs. She's anxious to transform, because she can't stand it when she's unprepared.

When she moves one step forward, she's knocked to the ground.

"This is 'Luka'? I didn't think she'd be put out so easily. Let's go."

XXXXXX

"Mikuo. Get up."

"Huh- -wha?" Kaito's in his room, shaking him. He blinks sleep away from his eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Doesn't matter. Luka's staying in your living room. She's been attacked and Rin's missing. I want you to get Piko and Miku."

"Ambush? Dammit. Others?"

"Yes. With recruitments. I'll find Piko."

"Shit, shit, shit. No, we'll both get Piko. I don't want Miku in this."

"I don't care if you're angry. Rin's against three veterans and three recruitments. She's not in stable condition is she?"

Mikuo growled. "Fine. Why don't we just go ahead and get violin prodigy, then?" His voice taking a sarcastic lilt to it. Kaito took him seriously.

"That's sounds like a good idea. I'll get him." Kaito disappears through the door.

"Bastard."

XXXXXX

"Well, hello sleeping beauty. I'm Miki."

I look at them blankly. These were probably the 'Others'.

A girl, with long red hair looked at me. Blood dripped down my forehead from where she'd threw me against the wall. I had my stone with me, hidden in my pocket.

"I don't get it. You're supposed to be powerful. Why aren't you fighting me yet?"

"Prophet said it was against code."

"Prophet is shit."

I stay silent.

"At least I get take you back. You know, since we're on a tight schedule, I was allowed back in the game. Do you know why I was out of it in the first place?"

"Why?"

"Because I failed to kill you. Stupid Piko got in the way. You know what he did to me? His power was 'crippling'. He got in the way and now my insides are all bad. Worse if my friends didn't have healing powers."

"…"

"But, really, the fault is yours."

"…"

"If he hadn't fallen for a dumb bitch like you, he would still be on our side. And you would be dead."

Miki sighs at my despondency. She shakes her head at me. "You're so boring. You should speak up more. No wonder why that boy still visited you in your sleep; probably it sounded as if you were still alive!" She cackles at her own joke.

"_Now, Rin, why didn't you tell us this? You need to speak up more."_

My fingers slide into my pocket. She doesn't notice.

"You know, that teal bitch sure is pretty. I can understand why he'd want to go out with her. I mean, what's the point of calling someone 'sleeping beauty' if they aren't even that good looking. Doesn't make sense why you have three guys on the tips of your fingers."

"What's so great about you? I hear lots of stuff from Prophet. He was a liar after all. You're probably just a tool. If you're so powerful, why'd you let the city get destroyed? You know, they're still counting the death toll and the missing people here. More people have been missing than those that have returned."

_I wasn't able to kill the monster. The Witch. The thing that's been wreaking havoc for centuries on Earth…_

_I failed…_

"You know, Prophet even told me something interesting, but you probably already know about it, considering how you almost killed _Klotylda_. You know, I heard it was part of the plan for you to die."

_What?_

"Heard all about it. Before your stone gave up on you, they were going to kill you. Some partners you have. They were almost about to invite us in the battle, you know. But, of course, I wouldn't want to work under some pathetic newbie who doesn't know how to fight for herself."

_Plans. Partners._

Before I know it, my hand is on the stone.

XXXXXX

It's a blur, and she's not even using her weapon.

Miki swings far back, trying to dodge all of her blows. It's quick and lightning fast; coordinated far beyond her dreams. She prepares her staff for the next attack, and suddenly thrown back by a roundhouse kick, slamming against a wall.

"…heh…Heh. HEH. So this is what you're like, huh? I won't lose to you." Miki cries haughtily and prepares herself for offense.

Rin stays within a ten meter radius. Miki can barely see it; but she's almost frightened by it. "You! When's the last time you had a Remnant?!" She screeches. She knows her limits by now.

The first tell-tale signs of gray creeping up at her skin.

She doesn't hear Miki and swings her weapon like club as she rushes forward. Miki doesn't expect it and is thrown hard onto the ground, her staff her last boundary. She looks into Rin's lifeless, hard eyes.

"I remember when I was like this." She whispers, settling down on Miki's body. "Pushed down. No hope. No one to save me. Except…I was already dead."

"N-no- -." Miki struggles, kicks her legs, but the force against her is too powerful, too strong, and she can't move an inch. "Kiyoteru! Meiko! Help!"

"I remember I cried out my friends name too." Rin murmurs softly. She starts crying, tears dropping over Miki. "Except they didn't save me! We're alike, you know, so I'll let you go."

The girl beneath her relaxes, relief almost floods her face. Rin raises her weapon high. "But, there was a difference, you know, too."

Miki's screams don't echo and her body dissipates. Rin gets up.

"The exception was: I conquered 'Death'."

She unsheathes a sword this time; blood staining her skin and blending into her weapon. It squirms in her hand excitedly.

XXXXXX

Len follows sharply behind Kaito and Piko.

"Where are finding them?"

"City ruins. It has to be there. Remember where we fought?"

"I see…"

The air was thick with tensions as the sauntered through light rain, navigating through the city. City lights blinked and cars beeped. A generous amount of space is between the three of them; reasons kept to themselves.

"Is Mikuo getting…?"

"Yes, we'll be meeting them soon. The 'Others' are preparing for revenge; I don't understand, really, how Prophet is allowing this. We already know a bit of their 'Sets'. Hopefully, the recruitments won't be a problem."

"…"

Len allow Kaito lead, letting himself follow behind. The cacophony the city makes almost blocks out his thoughts. He almost doesn't hear Piko calling out his name.

"Kagamine-san."

"…?"

"You're the one Rin wished for, aren't you?"

He stiffens at the words and how familiarly her name was said. But he can't deny it; because if he does; he denies her altogether. He remembered the way she looked at him before she ran away; and in her bedroom. A sense of betrayal. So, without a sound, he nods quietly.

"I asked her about it, and she lied, I could see it in her eyes. How often did she lie to you? Before and after her death?" Sharp, bitter questions escaped him, and he didn't seem as harmless as he did before.

"I ate them. Her lies."

"You're such an asshole." Piko barks cruelly. "Some friendship. But, it probably was only a friendship to you anyways." He remarks before quieting. "Do you know what it's like to be a mage?"

"I know enough. I've seen enough. I don't need you to repeat it. And yeah, her wish was out of us being friends- ."

Piko looks at him with skeptical eyes, and gritted teeth at him. "Why are you a prodigy? What's so great about you?" He shakes his head, almost confusing Len. "Maybe some friends can take it to that level, maybe. But what kind of friend is pushed away hard and still waits afterwards? Maybe she wasn't 'special' enough. But, are you that stupid?"

"Shut. Up. What are you saying?"

"Sacrifice is the final act- -."

The whole city shut down. Somewhere in the distance, a car crash sounded. There were several screeching sounds of tires, sounds angered and worried inhabitants, and crashes occurring inside buildings. However, the noise didn't outweigh the sound of ringing bells.

_Ring_

_Ring_

_RING_

Len swerved around wildly, eyes searching frantically. "There! Kaito!"

"Recruitment." He whispered; clothes disintegrating into regalia.

In the middle of the road, a figure cloaked in her own light walked steadily down parted streets.

XXXXXX

Black flashed between two figures, slamming them down with physical hits. A kick slammed one mage down, causing his sword to rattle on the ground away from him. The other prepared herself quickly for the next hit, suddenly rammed hard into a broken ruin.

"GAH!" She slid down the wall, paralyzed from the impact.

_Sword._

Soft squirming intruded the sudden silence, a shape forming with no reflection.

_Squilch_

The body disappeared. Before she could round on the next one, a hard, amused caught up with her. "You're Rin? Meiko, assign Yuuma after the Hatsunes. See if you can find Miki."

She looked dully at the figure towering over her on the building's ruin. "Reform." She whispered.

He looked at her; examining her physique. His eyes hardened at the gray crawling up her legs. He shuffled for something in his pocket and threw it down at her. "Use it. I've got another. I'd rather fight you when you're power's at its fullest."

She crushed underneath her heel, making him amused. "I don't need it."

"If anything, I'm more powerful than you."

"We'll see. Let's fight."

XXXXXX

Rain slammed against the armor of Mikuo's clothing as he dragged Miku through the streets. Luka followed behind, finally rejuvenated. A car crashed behind them as their followers kept after.

"Why are we running away? We're supposed to fight them!" Miku muttered, whipping away from Mikuo's grip to prepare for battle.

"Not here. We could hurt someone. City ruins." He paused for a moment and unleashed a scroll. "Luka, cover me, I'm going to send you guys ahead."

"Let me," Miku quipped, trying to get in front.

"Watch me first, and then follow. You need to watch your brother for easy transportation." Luka yelled in the sounds of cracking lightning before rushing ahead.

Kick. Shoot. Slam.

Meiko brandished her spear and slid back on the hard pavement gracefully. Yuuma unsheathed his sword.

"Luka!"

Backing away, she shot wildly at them, still keeping an eye as she made for Mikuo's piece. "Drive; I'll shoot." Luka commanded as she joined Miku on her locomotive; a traditional Japanese lion.

Yuuma blocked each shot easily with his sword as Meiko dived between them, spear aiming- - "Mikuo!"

It slid through his abdomen, and he fell over, groaning. Luka pulled Miku with her to the road, toppling onto the pavement; barely missing Meiko's next aim. Miku crawled over to Mikuo, crying. He waved her wave, cringing in agony.

"I'm fine. I'll heal, give me a moment. Regeneration. We can't bring this fight any further. Take it here."

"I know now."

Luka crossed her arms in warning; guns displayed. A moment of silence; a deep breath of air before diving unexpectedly, her face in Meiko's.

XXXXXX

Four mages dead.

The thought calculated instantly in her mind as the man in front of her pushed her further. She could feel their deaths pulsing. It almost made her giddy. She rushed forward and slammed hard into Kiyoteru, knocking him to the ground, but being slammed back by a force of ice.

He cornered her against a slab of wall, hands on her throat. She squirmed restlessly against his hold, coughing for air; eyes rolling backwards. His hand moved her forward, away from the wall, before slamming her against it once more. Blood dripped over her eye; but her wound healed instantly.

"Regeneration. Interesting. Superhuman abilities? Check." He went down a mental list checking off all the spots. "Special ability that is unique? Good." He chuckled to himself. "You're a good opponent. And you have a weapon as well; a shape shifter. We've never had one of those before in mage history. I wonder what the base back in Europe would say about this."

She spat at him, "Three of yours is dead. One other than them is dead." Their faces flashed in her mind, and Piko is gone.

"Ah, so you see who's dead and who isn't. Interesting. Must be helpful to know what friends to save."

_Friends._

_Plans. Partners._

He doesn't see it; her weapon squirming and giggling, slipping from her hand and becoming something else.

"Not friends? We'll it never mattered anyways. Tonight, you shall die. And we'll be able to complete our revenge."

He's slammed back into a wall, body dragged by an inky form. Rin collapses to the ground in a crumpled heap where her weapon takes its place beside her.

Kiyoteru laughs harshly, voice coming out in barks. "What's this? That thing has a mind of its own, now doesn't it? You're not even a mage anymore- -a disgusting creature!"

She doesn't get up herself. Instead, the black form crawling around her limbs as veins and becoming a support and lifting her up. It envelops her fingers, and becomes talons; wings screwing themselves to her back.

She attacks.

XXXXXX

_I don't know what's going on._

_All I see are faces of certain people; who I know and don't know- -are they…are they dead? I only remember seeing lots of blood._

_I don't what's going on; the feeling of dread sinks into me and I know this feeling like any other- -I'm going to die. _

_Will it be the way I envisioned? I don't know. I'm doing something I'm not supposed to do. Something I swore against…_

_I killed someone. Not one. Two. _

_**!**_

_**NO- -**_

XXXXXX

They run throughout the city, a replay of before; Len pushes himself further trying to keep up with Kaito. Piko's gone and done for, having sacrificed himself in battle. Their opponent follows afterwards; soft giggling behind them.

And then he looks up; sees the fight in the air; within a created realm. Blurs of black fighting off cascades of blue ice. "Kaito, there's a realm above the ruins-."

"How is that—never mind. We need to get there now."

XXXXXX

The city ruins crash down, becoming nothing more than rubble. Fights clash around her; Miku's somewhere injured with Luka standing guard over her. And in the middle, she sits there in a pile; hunched over like a broken puppet.

Len runs to her, finally there, finally here to protect her and make everything alright. The only thing on his mind is her. He'll save her; take her away- -

She turns to him; and almost lashes out at him, knocking him down. She's not there, here; those lifeless eyes looking dead and boring straight into his. Her hands are at his throat, ready to kill, tightening every second, uncaring fingers looped there, breath almost gone- -But, she remembers him; dark eyes flickering clear for that moment.

She moves away from him, eyes tearing up in fear and self-disgust.

"Rin, I'm here- -."

"I know." She whispers, broken. He moves to her, but she backs away further.

"Let me save you. We'll get out of here." He sees the markings up on her legs; crawling and increasing, appearing on her arms and up to her neck. Something is happening. But, she comes to him, cold hands holding his, grasping it.

"…don't. No." Those wonderful blue eyes become red rimmed, teary eyes visible under the sky. Her breath comes out in soft puffs of air. She holds his hand, but he feels something within their palms; and he knows what it is and it nearly scares him.

"Yes, we can. Let me take you out of here. They can fight here, let me help you," He forces out, but he's already choking up on tears- -_God, don't let it be what he thinks it will be- -_

"I don't have much time," She stresses, "Please, Len. Don't do this. You know what's happening." She forces the dark stone into his hand, and she begins to disintegrate, her body flickering.

"No- -We do have time- -Just let me- -. Rin, don't make me do this. Of all people, _please_- -."

She cries hard. "C-can't. Thinking about our lives- -we're such stupid people. If I could wish one more time, out of the wishes I had thinking about you; I wish I had spent more time with you." Her hand touches his face. "Sacrifice is the final act of love."

"Please, do it, before I become the monster myself." She presses her lips against the corner of his mouth in ending, because she can't do anything else.

He cries, tears blinding, and smashes her stone against the pavement.

Rin falls to the ground, body limp and unmarred by the becoming of a witch and normal. The battle ends; the 'Others' retreat.

In the battlefield, he stands in the middle, her body in his hands.

XXXXXX

_I wanted to die a noble and honorable person at first._

_I wish it had stayed that way._

_And hopefully, I died that way._

_But, you never answered my question._

_Of noble and honorable deaths;_

_How would you like to die?_

XXXXXX

_fin_

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A/N:

Like, wow. It's finished and took way longer than I expected. There's still an epilogue. If you're a KH fan, try my soon to be new fic 'Simple and Clean'.

Has anyone watched **Les Miserables**? I fucking cried at 'Little Fall of Rain'. Anyone relate it to this story? I did, and I cried a lot more afterwards; everyone was sniffling. Also, does anyone listen to Utada Hikaru? She's my fucking idol. I love her so much. I was listening to **Dareka No Negai Ga Kanau Koro **and I cried again too. Please listen to that song. It'll be showcasing in the epilogue. Thank you for your support and everything! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you can, please, REVIEW!


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